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Terminally ill mum

Louisemcg
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Hi there thank you too anyone who's taken the time to read this I really appreciate it.

so yesterday myself and mum got the results back off her body scan as she'd been very sick for 12 days unable to hold anything down. The results where she has a tumour on her brain and two lumps the size of golf balls in each of her lungs, the doctor told me she only has months to live. I feel pretty traumatised from the whole ordeal and I can't stop thinking of how my mum feels. 
 

I don't really know why I'm posting this I'm just not sure how to feel it's like Ive gone on autopilot and feeling nothing for a bit then all of a sudden I feel everything at once. I woke up this morning hoping it was all bad dream but seeing a text from my mum talking about her funeral made me bawl my eyes out.
 

I have a wee boy who's three and I can't stop being upset over the fact he won't get to know his gran.  
 

Does anyone have any tips on how to get through this? Or know anything I can read to make this a little bit easier? 
 

thanks for your time, I'm sorry we all have to be in this position. 

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    Dear Louise,

    This is never easy. I am so very sorry to hear this. You have absolutely done the right thing by posting about yourself feelings and you should continue to do so.  
     

    Remember this - no matter what, you will always have your mum. You have her inside of you. Death is a part of our existence, and while we never, ever think it will come to us, sometimes it does. Sometimes it comes in the form of a sudden accident, or a sudden illness, or a sudden disaster. Remember, you still have a few months (and potentially more - doctors aren't predictors of the future). You still have that time together, you still have that time to tell her how much you love her, to feel joy with her, to say your farewell to her (for now). We all are to physically depart this world one day, but that doesn't mean that we are gone forever. We live in on in our loved ones hearts and minds. Your daughter will absolutely know her - she will know her through you. You are an image of her, and your daughter will definitely see and life with that image every day. 
     

    Also remember that you can either spend the next six months full of dread and fear, or celebrating her life with her. Take it ONE DAY at a time. For all you or the doctors know, things could change for the better. But regardless, you have this time together in the here and now. That's what matters. 
     

    We are all to depart one day, but not all of us have the chance to have those last few months together. Through all the pain and horror, remember that. I am also coming to terms with the prognosis of my loved one, and it feels like a sharp stabbing pain, but at the same time, at least I have this time with him. I spent ages and ages in fear, thinking, worrying, crying. But then I thought - he could walk out tomorrow and God forbid get hit by a car and die. I would have wasted that time I had with him dreading his death, instead of spending the life that he did have with him. Death can come at any moment, we can't control that. What we can control is enjoying life. What matters most right now is that you take every day in isolation and take it as it comes. Stop thinking if you can about tomorrow or what happens in four months. Focus on the here and now and take a deep breath. 
     

    Sending you lots of love. Remember, the reason we feel such pain is because we also deeply, deeply feel love for our loved ones. How fortunate we are to feel this love. How lucky we are to have known what love is. How beautiful this life can be. Death might be able to take our physical body from us, but it can never, ever take that beauty that we have known. May that beauty - that love - be a guiding light for you in this time. 
     

    God bless x
     

     

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    Hi Louise,

    i am so sorry about your mum. I am in the same situation. My mum has ovarian cancer and they have stopped her treatment as it wasn’t working. She has the hospice visiting next week to speak to her. I am just totally devastated like my world is collapsing around me. I have a 5 and 7 year old and just feel devastated for them that they will lose their amazing nanny. 

    I lay in bed most nights and cry for hours until I’m so exhausted and fall asleep. I feel like this is part of the process for me and I’m just letting it happen. I’m trying to spend as much time as I can with mum but feel like there is never enough time, especially with work and all the kids stuff etc.

    i really don’t know how I’m going to get through this but currently just taking one day at a time. I just cannot bare the thought about how my mum must be feeling. This is what I find hardest, I just want to make things ok again but I can’t and it just makes me feel so useless and powerless. I’m not sure how my dad will cope without her and I’m so worried about him. I have 3 older siblings and speaking to my older sister and best friend is really helping me. I think I’m trying to just let myself be not ok around those people who I know can cope with my sadness. I’m being contained for my mum as I know she can’t cope with my sadness right now as this would be too much to bare for her. Plus I don’t want her to be worrying about me, although I’m sure she will be. 

    I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this. I understand what you are going through. It’s totally *** and I don’t feel like there is much that can make this anyway near a bearable situation. I think that’s the point, it’s ok not to be ok with what’s happening! I’m letting my sadness out when I can and that is in some way helping me get on with any form of normal life. 

    Sophie xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Sophie1987

    Hi Sophie I'm so deeply sorry you're going through this I can only imagine your pain is similar to mine. I'm having the dilemma about work, part of me wants to work as I know it will keep me occupied but knowing I have the rest of my life to work and won't have my mum is making me want to stop it's all so sudden and crazy I'm totally lost.

     

    i have a younger sister she's 19 and I'm 27, my heartaches for her she's currently stays with my mum so when she passes she'll have the house to herself at the age of 19, I want to be there for her but I'm struggling to even be there for myself. 
     

    thank you for replying if you'd like to messsge me feel free too, this is an awful experience we unfortunately have to endure but if having someone to vent to helps you I'm here :). 

  • Offline in reply to Qwerty01

    Just wanted to say what a beautiful post

    Andrea x

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