Hi Jen_Lynn

I totally get you.

my best friend is on end of life for vascular disease and this week has been diagnosed with advanced rectal cancer. They are waiting for biopsy results to see if it can be treated. I think I am still in shock and processing it all. As I see it I just have to carry on as normal because worrying about it will change nothing and just drain my energy. I need to think things through a bit so that I can be the friend they want.

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. You will know what your friend needs and don't forget to look after your self.

CAW

Thank you for replying, it does make a difference knowing you're not alone.

I agree with you, I'm trying to continue, it's not easy as my youngest is her Godaughter so she's struggling too. 

Do you experiencing any 'clinginess'? I feel like I want to be with her 24/7 & get the teeniest bit jealous when she sees other friends too. It's not healthy for either of us and I'm very conscious of it.

It is all so confusing and overwhelming. 

Hi

ive also experienced this clingiest/need to be with my friend as much as possible. His parents are around a lot too and sometimes I just want my friend to myself. 

He started radiotherapy last week but it is making him v I’ll, so I will be glad when the ten sessions are over

i hope you are looking after yourself. It is important to rest and take breaks from caring. 

Take care

chris

Dear Chris. 

Thank you so much for replying to me, including yours, only 3 people have done so. It means a lot to have your message.

My beloved Jenny died on 22/03/20 @ 0430 & I'm at the beginning of the journey to pick up the pieces of my life. This b***dy lockdown meant no funeral etc so grieving is even harde, not to mention weirder.

I hope your friend's treatment goes well.

All the very best.

Lynn 

Dear Lynn

i am sorry to hear that you have lost your Jenny. Grieving for a loved one can be a slow and difficult process. Make sure you look after yourself... simple things like eating and resting even if you have to set reminders on your phone. I can’t begin to imagine what things have been like because of the lockdown. 

I have found chatting to my friends on WhatsApp is v helpful. Sometimes it’s easier to write how you feel about things than talking on the phone. The WhatsApp video chat I also find useful. Technology really has come to the fore during this crisis. 

Stephen seems to be declining now. The radiotherapy has made him really ill and he won’t have it again because he has had too bad side effects.  Also he seems to be losing his resolve. He is normally very positive and lively personality but this seems to be slipping away. I know this is part of the illness and the realisation that he will die soon. This is v hard to witness and I know you will understand what I mean. 

I wonder if you have thought of doing a memory box for Jenny with cards and photos in or maybe print off an email she may have sent. Today I have ordered a photo on canvas of Stephen and I on holiday a couple of years ago. Happier and healthier times. 

Well I hope you have happy memories of Jenny as no one can take those away from you. Make sure you get support from your friends even though you can’t see them in person. 

Take care

chris

Dear Chris.

Thank you so much to reply, it was a pleasure to receive your 'email'.

I do use WhatsApp and that does help. I also message Jenny's; Mum, Sister and Husband appx every 10 days ish as I don't want to be a pain. There is a group of her other closest friends on Facebook Messenger so we 'talk' and are thinking of a memorial-type reunion when we can.

Poor Stephen I have no experience of Radiotherapy (it didn't do much for Jenny) but when I had Leukaemia (2005-6) all my treatment was chemo. How long has Stephen been fighting Chris, if it's been a long and painful journey I suspect it is eventually (sadly) inevitable he's had enough? 

I didn't see Jenny at the end, she shielded me, I wish she hadn't but that's how she wanted it. It's just not bloody fair is it? 

As far as a memory box goes, great minds think alike! I am a great diary writer and have written of all our trips and meetings. I have all my Messenger/text messages printed up.

This may make you smile, I bought a canvas of Jenny & I and got my centimetres and inches confused, it's huge and practically life sized, her Mum did smile!!)

BTW may I ask, Chris is a unisex name so are you M or F? It really doesn't matter to me I'm just nosy, lol! 

Take care Chris. Stay well.

All the best.

Lynn

Dear Lynn

Chris is short for Christine lol. 

It has been a difficult weekend. Stephen first went to hospital in November last year when he haemorrhaged. Back then we both suspected bowel cancer but they said it was piles and didn’t bother to investigate. It wasn’t until March that he finally got a diagnosis by which time it was advanced stage 4 and terminal. Both the hospital and GP misdiagnosed which is a whole other issue!

I had a bit of a meltdown Saturday night, but called upon a network of friends on WhatsApp to support me. He has the final three sessions this week and I am hoping he will then recover from the radiotherapy. If he doesn’t I. Expect that will be the inevitable decline. I just wish for him a pain free death. We shall have to see how the next couple of weeks go

i am pleased your in contact with Jenny’s family and friends. 

Take care 

Chris 

Poor you & Stephen, I can't believe the horrendous journey you have both had, I'm not surprised you had a meltdown Chris & I am so glad you have someone to talk to.

Y'day I completely lost the plot with my 2 children; being with them 24/7 & trying to cope with life was just too much.

Take care.

Lynn