Hi all, first time posting here but I'm really hoping someone's been through a similar situation and may be able to help...

My grandad is in the later stages of prostate cancer and the good days are few and far between. He really struggles to walk or even get out of bed most days, meaning he's very limited in what he can do for himself. My Nan has really struggled to accept or even acknowledge that he's ill and due to other concerning behaviours, we do think that she has dementia. Grandad has spoken to the doctors about it but due to her ability to present as very normal to people who don't know her, everything is moving very slowly. Nan is more often than not very unkind to grandad but due to his health and mental state which is understandable very low at the moment, he struggles to cope with her behaviour and gets really upset by it, questioning whether he deserves her attacking comments. The difficult part is, this rarely happens when any of us are visiting, meaning that he's often left with these feelings until the next person arrives to lift him up again. Nan is very selective with wanting our help and often accepts our assistance with meals etc gratefully when we're there, but will then verbally attack grandad saying that he's telling everyone she can't do things. She is fearful of using the oven and openly admits that she hates cooking so we've tried to help by asking her if she would like help with meals, which she agrees to but will change her mind with the wind. Our biggest concern when she decides she doesn't want our help is grandads welfare. She makes meals for herself and drinks but would leave him bed bound all day without anything and has been known to move his mobile so he isn't able to contact anyone. We've discussed potentially a week in respite care for grandad or staying with one of us for w break, but he wants to be in his own home which is more than understandable and also discussed carers coming in ( we're trying our best but we all work full time and it's just not enough to ensure they're both okay) but while grandad is open to the idea, Nan doesn't want people coming in therefore he doesn't want it anymore in fear of what her reaction may be. While I haven't gone into great detail about issues with nans memory, I can assure you it's more that what I've said here but at risk of making this post 6 pages long, I've stuck to what's most relevant. 
 

I don't know if anyone's been in situations similar to this and could advise any other steps - we have tried speaking to the doctors but due to my grandad wanting to protect Nan, we don't get very far. We've debated doing a safeguarding referral due to being so concerned about their welfare but are unsure if this would be helpful or not...