Mental fatigue

Hi my partner has been under going cancer treatment for the last 3 years first it was vocal chord cancer and lung cancer,he had an operation for lung and radiotherapy for vocal chord. Second time round october 2019 he was diagnosed with another lung cancer and lymph node affected weve just finished a gruelling 9 weeks of combined radiotherapy and chemotherapy. He is on the mend slowly and I keep spirits up, my situation in dealing with this second time round has affected me more than I realise and I've worked all through treatment and juggled my work around this. Were now nearly 3 weeks post treatment and the last few months have caught up with me and I feel so nervous and sad alm the time I've got to a point where I honestly feel a breakdown coming on I hate to trouble him with his problems but he notices it. I feel the time has come to take some sick leave and try and sort my head I'm literally in constant panic mode,is this common for partners to feel so mentally drained especially after treatment. 

  • Hi, I know what you're going through right now, friend. My wife was diagnosed with late stage ovarian cancer some 20 months back now, she's still hanging on in there but over the past six weeks has spent more time in hospital than at home. We have an 8-year old son. I've spent the last 20 months trying to deal with what's happening to my wife and what's coming down the line (her cancer is inoperable), how the inevitable will affect our son, juggling work, collapsing finances, my own mental health issues and so on and so forth. And I have, in the past, been where you are right now; in constant panic mode and feeling totally and utterly mentally drained with it all, so in answer to your question I would say that it probably is a common feature for us partners to feel that way. If you feel that you need to take some sick leave from work to get your head together, then do just that. You need to take care of yourself, so that you can take care of your partner. My senior manager has, on several occasions, tried to get me to take some sick leave (in his own words, "nobody is going to push the 'give 'em the sack button' on a guy whose wife has cancer"), but I never have. Sometimes, I wish I'd taken his advice, but I'm stubborn. As a result, I've never taken time out for myself, or, truth be known, to step back and fully realise the enormity of what is happening to my family. I've become 'battle-hardened', emotionally cold, and spend most of my days on auto-pilot just going through the motions. I exist, and just get throught one ridiculous cancer-induced calamity after another without much thought. But it's not the way I'd really like to be dealing with it all. Do what you feel that you need to do, which clearly is to take some time out from it all. Good luck to you and your partner. Mark XXX 

  • Hi, my husband is going through health issues, and I have an urgent cancer referral for next Monday.  My husband is retired but I work two days a week.  My anxiety is such that since seeing the GP I have not gone to work this week and fortunately, my income is not an issue.  But how hard it must be for you coping with work and your partners cancer. Go to the doctor and get signed off from work, your mental health is important and you have to be strong for your partner. xxx

     

  • Mark, your strenght coping with all that has been going on in your life for so many months is amazing and an inspiration to others, wishing the very best for you and your family. xx