This week I watch the shock on my Dads face as he was given the news out of the blue that he had malignant tumours in his stomach. Something we werent expecting as his GP had told him on his last 2 visits, that after several tests the good news was, there was no sign of cancer. Both myself and sister had attended these visits so we were all reassured. As he was still loosing weight GPasked if he wanted to be refered to the hospital which he did. An appointment came through for a endoscpy and after it was done we were told a nurse would discuss the results. I think Dad and I both expected something like Hiatus hernia or something like that,, so the Bad news came like a bolt from the blue.
Now I keep having flashbacks of his poor face as the nurse clearly and bluntly gave him the news and I feel so selfish because I cant stop crying while he is dealing with it like its not going to happen. I am on edge waiting for the phone call for the next scan and time seems to be standing still while we wait for the hospital to ring.
I have been a Carer all my life and have had clients with many diagnosis and helped with end of life care. I Have supported them and their families through the worst times of their lives. Now its our families turn to be in that position and I am falling apart. Probably because I know the journey ahead is going to be like, I dont think I can go to work and pretend everything is OK loooking after others, while my Dad is going through this.
