So sad to hear about your friend, but also pleased she has genuine friends like you, I can only go by what I find most helpful to me.

I have oesophagus cancer and secondary liver that is spreading to my bowel, I am terminal in palliative care with only a shortish time given, the last thing I would want to hear is Pull yourself together or be strong - I would like instead of just be strong - we will be strong together I am here for you but what I find most helpful is talking to someone who really listens some one I could cry with some one I could trust with my deepest fears, if you are that person to your friend you will be all she needs to get through this evil - You as her friend are the one who needs to be strong, she will gain strength and understanding from you.

Take care

Dear Alan

Thank you so much for your wise words. I am so sorry to hear of your condition.

It truely sucks!

I hated to have to ask strangers what to say to my friend. I mean I knew, I just wanted to know what people in her situation wanted to hear.

Sending you many best wishes and hoping that you aren't  in too much pain.

Agatha x