Hi there,

Im so sorry to hear this. We have all either had cancer ourselves (I havent) or cared for someone with it and its the most horrific thing. Ive been through some things in my life but seeing my dad suffer with cancer was no doubt the worst. Looking back I dont know what happened or how I coped but somehow you do find the inner strength you need. 

Youre bound to be feeling all kinds of emotions and its normal. Really hard, painful and very upsetting but its what happens. I felt guilty when dad was diagnosed that I hadnt realised he was so unwell, I fely guilty while he was ill because he didnt have the care he needed from profesionals and I feel guilty now because he died in agony. None of it was my fault but you cant help these feelings. 

If you can ask for some counseling its really useful because you can talk it out with someone who has had lots of experience with it and also its time for you to reflect on how you feel and to let it out. 

Theres not much worse I feel than seeing your loved one go through cancer and its traumatising, I genuinely feel for you. Hopefully another member will be along soon to say hello. Youre not on youre own, even though it feels like it sometimes.

Take care

Tracy