Hi there ..

Think your going through anticipated grief ... where you play it over in your mind ... your not alone, many have that ... it's because you love her, and can't imagine life without her ...

I hope it helped writting it down ... sometimes just to do that takes a little pressure off ... when things get too hard .. there's McMillan or Marie Currie... go on their home page, they may help with advice on what to do after ... it's always best to find out now, as then you'll know what to put in place ...

All I'd say, is make the most of every day you have ... share tears, and hugs ... it's o.k to tell each other your scared ... leave nothing unsaid ... it's the things we don't say, makes us feel worse ...

Life is never easy easy loosing a parent .. esp as your so close .. but like you I was young too, when I lost my amazing mum ... unfortunately that's life ... but you know we carry them safely in our hearts , and take them on our journey through life.... I still look up and talk to her ... 

Hope you find a little comfort in sharing ... on here there is so many in your possision,  your not alone ..

Chrissie x

Hi Chrissie,

Thank you for your advice and guidance, i have cried enough tonight, but your reply so quickly means so much, I haven't cried properly since my neice died I'd say, but I hate not controlling my emotions. I rang my mum on the 23rd December after I finished work just asking of she needed anything brought home for Christmas, embarrassed to say it but I just had to stop everything, I left my shopping where it was an dleft the shop with my head covering my face, nothing set it off, we weren't taking about cancer we were talking about what veg we wanted. 

I don't think I need to see a counsellor, but I definitely need to let some emotion out more i think, my problem, the same as when I was younger, "you just get on with it" but this time I don't want to, no one should have to get on with it, you always know it's going to happen, but now stupidly again, whilst collecting myself after my previous post, I sat in tears and just thought out of absolutely where, I won't let anyone go through this got me, I won't have a family or a relationship, but I quickly snapped myself outta that mind set, does anyone else have impulsive thoughts where they don't really know why they popped into your head? 

I read your synopsis and I wish you nothing but the best, you are an absolute angel for supporting this community, although I think this community needs to end and we all just go by old age but hey ho, life isn't so easy. 

Stay well Chrissie x

Hi mate. 

I know how your feeling. Ive just joined this site, and reading your post, is how exactly im feeling. Im a guy, a bit older than you, who lives alone, with no partner or kids. My mum, 2days before Xmas, was told she had secondary cancer, and that anymore chemotherapy etc wld be to just to ease any suffering, and maybe give her a few more months, but, she has refused, and feels so bad, she wants it all to end asap. 

She will be going into a hospice, to feel more comfortable. Its tough to see her. And my dad is coping badly. I to, have been thinking about when she is gone, and how ill cope. Ive no family, i lost my sister when i was 18, and i have no aunts, uncles etc. so when its her time, its just me and my dad left.

She was the one i always turned to, and was very close to. I agree with her, that she cannot go on the way she is, and any chemotherapy will make her feel worse. But she cannot get of the sofa, and is not eating. Im selfish in dreading the time when it comes. And again, im thinking about when its my dads time, its me that will have to deal with it all, alone. Ive been crying since the 23rd, but only in my flat. I try to be positive around my mum, but its hard. All i have for company  is my dog, which believe it or not, has cancer also. He was diagnosed a year ago, same week as my mum. He just had part of his paw removed just a month ago, due to tumours, and i myself, having chrons disease, am on a waiting list for bowel surgery.

I feel everything is happening at once, but im doing my best to cope. Ive to go into work tomorrow, after being off for 2 weeks, and i need to, as my cover is off, but im taking a month of on the sick, starting week after, to give me a break, and be with my mum, and to see if it helps me get my head around all this.

So, your not alone, in your worrying. 

Sorry, its not any help, but this is all new to me, i just thought id let you know my story. 

Cheers 

Neil