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No mans land - friend has cancer in 3 places

driftwood101
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Hi

my friend of many years has been diagnosed with cancer in 3 places. It was out of the blue, he had a sign, had it checked out that day and had surgery a few days later where it was found in different places.

 My friend is in shock,he  doesn’t want contact with anyobe, not even his partner who is working abroad while he goes through his treatment. I asked why she wasn’t with him, his reply “ because it’s not for me to ask but her to choose”. 

Hes not eating, showering, his house looks very untidy,( which isn’t important ) but he’s just not interested in anything . I can’t imagine what he’s going through , but I’d love to do something in little ways to help or show him little considerate kindnesses without him thinking I’m feeling sorry for him, so really, any ideas how I can do things that can help, things he won’t have thought of but shows I’m aware without over powering him, if that makes sense.

i know he wants to be on his own, no trouble to anyone and get on with it without a fuss .

So please any tips you gave or you recieved that really helped or was appreciated while going through and living with cancer

  • Hello Driftwood101

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend's recent diagnosis. People do react differently to being told they have cancer and some people choose to shut themselves away and "go it alone". WE've some information on our website here that may be of interest to you. 

    It's understandable that you're worried about him and that as his friend you'd like to do something to try and help. 

    It may be that your friend doesn't want to talk about his illness. Maybe he doesn't feel up to cooking a meal or tidying the house. Do you think he might be receptive you visiting and bringing dinner with you? It may be that he'd appreciate spending some "normal" time with his friend where he can, for a short while, just be himself. It might help to have a look that this page on our website. 

    In short I would just try to be a friend to him. Let him lead the way but let him know that you're there if he chooses to get in touch. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Hi

    thank you for your reply .

    deep down I feel he has given up, as he’s not eating and lost so much weight and so frail so early on in his treatment ,

    i have tried contact but he doesn’t want me or anyone seeing him as he is.

    thank you for the links I will read them to get a better idea of what he may be going through.

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