How can I help?

Hi there, my father has been diagnosed with terminal throat and lung cancer and has just started immunotherapy. He is losing weight, eating very little and sleeping a lot. He is lying about how much he is eating and drinking. My concern is that he hasn't accepted his diagnosis and doesn't appear to be doing anything to help himself ie eat/drink more and isn't listening to the advice of experts. He is adamant that he isn't giving up, but he doesn't want people to know and seems oblivious to how ill he really is even though he's in pain. He has lost 4 stone and looks ill so it is obvious to people. I understand all decisions are his choice, but any advice on how I can help and support him to help him be more comfortable would be appreciated. 

  • Hello Scottie456
    Welcome to the forum although I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's diagnosis. 

    It's understandable that you're worried about your Dad. People react very differently when they're given a cancer diagnosis and it's not uncommon for some people to take a while to come to terms with the news. 
    There may be a number of reasons that Dad isn't eating or drinking as much as perhaps he should and it's good that you've acknowledged that he has to make his own choices. The lack of appetite could be a side effect of the treatment that he's undergoing or it may be the illness itself.

    Chat to Dad and see if there is anything that you might be able to tempt him with. Tips such as using full fat milk and adding cream to soups are often mentioned by members here as ways of increasing calorie intake. You could also ask Dad if he'd be willing to try nutritional drink supplements which the hospital or his GP would be able to prescribe. 

    We've got some information on our website about coping with cancer but you could also give our team of nurses a call from some additional advice and information. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

    I hope this helps. 
    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator

  • Hi Scottie, your concerns are understandable but having dealt with my husband who has incurable lung cancer it's hard to understand what they are coping with on a daily basis.  It's extremely tiring dealing with the treatment, the diagnosis and not knowing how long you will survive.  The best thing is just to be there for him and support him, can you imagine being made to eat when you feel so unwell, food becomes a battle and you have to encourage them not force them.  So you can get protein drinks from the GP, mine hated them so I found food he enjoyed, tasty snacks, ice cream, custard, it was drink the protein drink or eat tasty snacks, he always went for the tasty food.  He will sleep a lot more and want to rest so let him, it doesn't mean he has given up.  Men of a certain age are proud and don't want others to think of them as being ill, mine hated talking about it, he said it was boring for others, so he always said he was fine but I would tell them the truth so they knew what was going on.  You're obviously a loving son and Dad must know that, so support and love go a long way.  Good luck, Carol