HI,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad and also having to deal with this insensitivity. Sadly, it's something that all relatives & patients come across on a daily basis - most of the time these remarks/questions aren't said maliciously, it's just that they have no experience of this or they don't know what to say. I have found, over my years of being a cancer patient & the daughter of a terminal cancer patient, that the best thing to do is answer politely and then add that you thank them for their concern but you find it less stressful to not dwell too long on it & that you will share any information with them when you feel able. By saying that you a) control whether to talk about your dad's health and b) it lets them off the hook having to ask again (most people do it because they feel they have to, not because they genuinely want to know). For those closer to you that you would like to keep informed because they may be helpful in some way, thank them for their concern and say that you would love some practical help while your family are providing care for your dad ie. an offer from them to walk your dog, give you a lift to an appointment, do some of your shopping etc. Those who are genuinely concerned will jump at the chance to help practically (rather than emotionally) & it will weed out those who are placating you or trying to impart their 'advice'.

I wish you, your dad and your family strength and comfort.

Angie xx 

hey thanks for your message. I get that it is not meant in a cruel way. I was more interested in getting an overview of what not to say, which might be useful for people who dont know what to say :)