Hi there ..

Oh my, you've got the world on your shoulders.. the reason could be because it's spread to his brain .. having things pressing brains can change personality and increase temper and the effect on those they take it out on is immense... but once you know it's not them , (if he wasn't like it before) then it's the cancer ...

My sister is in late stage dementure... where she's really angry most the time, and went through a phase of telling us to x off ... she was the matriarch of our family .. we all looked up to this amazing lady .. not she's turned into lass that has a "go" at all of us .. but we made a promis that wherever that journey took her, we'd go into her world .. even though it hurts at times ...it's not her, it's the dementure...

Now you seem to get the brunt of his anger .. we know why, but it's not an excuse to be so crule just to you ... at least my sister shares it out .. but if you don't look after yourself it will become too overwhelming and you could break ... I think that's why you've come here .. and trust me, your not alone .. 

Do something ... when he starts being crule in words , walk out the room ..make a tea .. have a cry .. and then if you do this a few times,he'll understand if he's loosing it, you go .. I know you want to stay and help .. but he won't give in if you just take it .. try to get respite help .. Marie Currie help there .. even if he demands your there .. have a day out .. walk in the park, visit someone and talk about other things .. 

Having time out will help you cope .. tell your kids what your doing and why .. maybe they'd make sure you get a brake .. if you've got grandkids,  visit them, they always make nanny smile ...

Your not super woman,  your just a woman, doing her best ... sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie xx

Hi Chrissie,

Thank you for your kind words, it's just sometimes, when your in that enviroment all the time, you eat,drink and sleep with all the worry of what might happen and afterwards, you are right it's so overwhelming....but also, when someone tell's you enough time's how useless you are, you start to believe it....

Hi,

Chrissie has given you good advice. Either your husband's cancer is now affecting his brain function and that is a reason for his behaviour or he isn't dealing emotionally with his cancer and he's taking it out on the person closest, sadly you. 

You may benefit by talking to a professional - contact Macmillan who offer great support like counselling, for the carer as well as the patient. Check out this website & give them a call www.macmillan.org.uk/.../someone-close-has-cancer

Good luck,

Angie x

Hi.  You’re husband has undergone similar treatments to my mum (4x chemo, 10 x radiotherapy to face an 5 x whole head radiotherapy too).  The treatments for my mum were only ever palliative and I have been advised by quite a number of healt professionals that tumours in the brain can lead to all sorts of symptoms.  My mum has been really horrible to me at time too.  Other people have suddested that “we always hurt the ones we love the most” and I could relate to that....

It’s so tough to keep going....into the ‘lion pit’ hour after hour, day after day isn’t it.

Have you got a local cancer support center.  I am receiving some counselling via my local centre and it’s really helpful to have things put into perspective....as well as a safe space to rant.

Sending my very best wishes.

Hi

You are not useless, you are doing an amazing job every day and holding things together for your family......I say this in my head every day when i feel things getting on top of me

Its not easy caring for loved ones but when you are dealing with brain mets that effect the persons mood its so so hard. My Husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung with spinal mets last October. In May this year we found out that it had spread to his brain. I have given up work to be at home full time, we have a teenager, He went from someone who did all his own meds and appointments etc to not been able to remember most things short term.

In July we were told there was nothing more that could be done and they gave him 4/6 months.

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all this and it seems that you are having to bare the brunt of all his frustation. My husbands frustation hasnt been so bad but there have been times he has said things to me and forgotton what he has said 10 minutes later but it hurts and its so hard to stay strong and not let it get to you, I have to walk away for a couple of minutes to compose myself as I am very emotional. the other day out of the blue he told me he didnt feel loved or wanted at home and should go into a hospice, I knew it was the brain mets because I know this is the last thing that he wants but it was very upsetting and when he slept I cried and cried.

when I was 20 i lost my mom to cancer and out of the 3 kids i was at home the most and caring for her and I remember her saying things about my dad all the time, I think she said she was leaving every day because he hated her.

Vent when you need too, Walk away when you need too, Cry when you need too but remember you are doing an amazing job. Its hard so damn hard to see our loved ones like this. XXX

my father in law has a grade 4 tumour in brain in opperable and exactly like your husband is getting aggressive moody and nothing my  mother in law does is right sad thing is they wont except help i am a former paramedic and the help is out there but what can i do