I know this sounds really silly and selfish but this how I feel and I don't like it. 18 months my husband was diagnosed with bile duct cancer which was incurable  In the last 18 months in an attempt to extend his life he's had four rounds chemotherapy which is dominated every single week. Regular trips to hospital for appointment checks scans and tests all reaffirming what we already know. Most recently he started to fill up with fluid, which went drained were also confirmed as cancerous and that we were talking weeks to live now. That was two months ago. It seems to be every moment of every day for the last 18 months we have been putting his needs at the top of everything and nothing else matters, and nobody else matters. Peoples birthdays and Christmases have gone past trying to make everything perfect for my husband because this will be his last one. I keep thinking this can't carry on because we've been told by the professionals we're talking weeks but he still goes on. He is scared of dying, who wouldn't be but nothing seems to help him doesn't seem to help. Unfortunately the input that we've had from McMillian has been negatively received by him and I doubt he will engage with them again. It just keeps on going but with no positive end. I am sure there will be people on this forum to say thank you lucky stars for 18 months more than you expected and on good days I do but on the bad days I wish it was all over and then hate myself for thinking that. I don't think I can carry on much longer but there is nothing else I can do.