Andrea,

I am so very sorry to hear about your Mum. Nobody should have to watch their loved ones go through cancer. My Mum is terminal also and nearing the end of her life. Despite all the support I have, I have never felt so alone.

please reach out anytime you need a chat. I have found this forum to have been a great support over the past year.

sending all my love to you and your family x

Hi Andrea,

I’ve just gone through what you’re going through right now so I know exactly how you feel, exactly!!

My mum was admitted to hospital in August after having a fall. As far as we knew back then, she’d previously fractured the L2 vertebrae which was sustained from a fall she had back in April. It was only when she was given a chest X-ray that they found a shadow on her lung which turned out to be a tumour which had invaded her chest wall and ribs. From there she had a MRI and CT scan at the beginning of September which revealed that she had a secondary mass growing at the site of the fracture which was causing a spinal compression (they think the fracture was down to weakening of the bones as the cancer had spread to there and her lymph nodes).

She was sent to a cancer centre a few days later for 5 fractions of palliative radiotherapy to help take the pressure off her spine (which it did, briefly) and after a two week stay there she was transferred to our local Marie Curie Hospice where she remained for only 9 days, passing away on 3rd October.

Sadly my mum was in bad shape before her diagnosis having been immobile with excruciating pain with her fractured spine for months so the initial diagnosis although came as a shock, couldn’t be further investigated as she was too poorly for more tests. I’m sure if your mum is in better shape, the palliative radiotherapy might give her a bit more time or at least help take the pressure off her spine so her quality of life is improved.

If you would like to message me privately about anything, I would be more than happy to help if I can.

Massive hugs.....Beth x 

Hi Andrea, 

First of all I am truly sorry to hear the news about your mum. Its everybodies worst nightmare losing a parent too early. I myself have lived that nightmare.

I still rememeber the day I got a call to tell me my dad had cancer. He was just 56. It was October 26th 2018. Ten months later, on August 14th 2019, my dad, my best friend and my hero, took his last breath and died in front of my very eyes.

I'm telling you this because nothing can prepare you for what is about to come. No matter how old you are, how old your mum is, how long she fights on for, it's going to be extremely difficult. But you are not alone. Don't ever question 'why me? Why my mum' because they're questions that can't be answered and I'm the living proof that it isn't just you, or your mum who goes through this.

The next weeks, months, years are going to be hard, they're going to be different, but the best advice anyone can give you, is to make the most of every single minute.

In our final ten months together, we as a family did so much. We organised a fundraising event for my dad which brought all his friends and colleagues together for him, and we raised £12000 for Pancreatic Cancer UK, we went on a family holiday, all 27 of us, uncles, aunties, cousins. We took my dad on a cruise around the Norwegian Fjords (top of his bucket list). All memories that will stay with me forever, and memories that are eventually overshadowing the bad ones of seeing him in pain and looking unwell.

I hope this message doesn't upset you. I'm just trying to be honest and give you the best advice I can, having been through it myself.

Be as strong as you can through this. Make the most of time. 

 Take Care. 

Matt.

Hi Sadie thank you for reaching out and I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this torture as well. I feel exactly the same. I have a wonderful and close family and a supportive husband and young kids but I have never felt so alone. Everywhere I go I see daughters and mum's and it's really hard.  I spent a lovely day with my mum today just her and me. As she is still in the hospital at the moment I went and sat with her all afternoon and we read *** magazines and ate chocolates and just put the world to rights. She seems to be remarkably well which makes this so much harder to process. I really am sending you lots of love and strength to get through this too.  I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. Take care of yourself xxx

Thank you Beth for your kind words and I am so sorry for the loss of your mum and having to go through all that. It really is the worst feeling. I spent a lovely afternoon just my mum and me in the ward today and we spent the afternoon talking and eating chocolates which was really nice. My mum is so brave and in such high spirits which seems to make the diagnosis that bit harder to take. She goes for a bronchoscopy tomorro morning which she is feeling nervous about. I just can't believe how life can be so cruel and change in the blink of an eye. Thanks again for your support. Take care xxxx

Hi Andrea,

I am so sorry to hear about your mothers diagnosis. My father was too diagnosed with cancer at an advanced stage and didn't live for too long after the diagnosis (two weeks).

It's a lot to process when so much happens in such a short space of time, truly it is very difficult to come to terms with. Use this time to be close with your mother, make most of the time she has left and try and be positive around her. I like to believe it is always mind over matter and just think how lucky you are to have such an incredibly mother in your life.

It will be a difficult time but make sure you look after yourself and that you are regularly eating/drinking. Speak to the people at your placement, sometimes you can find support from them and they might be able to give you time to be with your mother.

Sending you strength to see you through this difficult time. Just think of your mother and think of making every moment count. You are stronger than you realise and I am certain she is incredibly proud to have you by her side.

xxx