Welcome to Cancer Chat Stephie although I'm sorry for the reason you're joining us.

If your son and his partner are able to get her mum's permission they will be able to speak to her medical team directly which will allow them to find out about a possible prognosis or how long she may have left to live.

If she's not comfortable going to a hospice would it be possible for her to have care at home? Maybe this is something your son and partner could look in if they haven't done so already.

I'm sure our members would agree with me that you're all doing amazingly well in this tricky situation and hopefully some of them will be along soon to offer their support and advice.

Wishing you all the best at this difficult time.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thanks for the reply.

My son and his partner do have permission and they have spoken to the team but they dont seem to be doing very much at the moment.  They have decided that they will remove the tubes from her kidneys to get ready to start chemo but this has been nearly 3 months since her diagnosis and still she has not yet had chemo.  It is worrying that they are leaving it for so long yet it has spread so fast in a matter of 2 months and I worry that leaving it for much longer will actually kill her before they start it. 

She has a partner who is spending a lot of time with her but they do not live together and he too is trying to support his parents as his father has prostate cancer too.  It is a complex situation but one that they are trying to address.

Thank you for your support too

Steph

Just an update.  My son's partner's mum deteriorated and sadly died about 2 weeks ago.  The cancer was too aggressive and sadly it was not found in time to have any chemo.  My son and his partner were not kept up to date with just how bad it was as the Consultant sent his understudy and they continued to say that she wasnt well that day and would come back again another time rather than just telling them the situation.  It turns out that they had put stents in her kidneys as they were failing and they could not do the chemo with the stents in.  If they had taken the stents out then she would have died sooner due to kidney failure.  Why someone just couldnt tell them all that baffles me but sadly it wont bring her back.  Also it turns out she went to her doctors back in January with blood in her urine but the doctor kept giving her antibiotics for a water infection until July when he finally referred her to hospital to find out in August that she had bladder cancer. 

I have told my son and his partner that they need to put in a complaint to NHS England so that this can prevent another patient going through the same.  Yes it wont bring her back but maybe someones life can be saved by detecting the cancer sooner in order to get treatment for this awful disease sooner.

Thanks for listening to my rant

I'm really sorry to read what has happened Stephie and would like to offer my heartfelt condolences to you all.

If your son and his partner do decide to put in a complaint I've included some information on how they can do this just here.

My thoughts are with you all at this time.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you Steph that is very helpful