Hello shurmers17, 

A warm welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear about your mum's likely diagnosis. This must be such a difficult decision for you to have to take. Have you spoken to your mum about it? It is obviously a very personal decision and you will have to weigh the pros and cons of deferring from university. You are obviously very caring and it is really nice of you to want to be there for your mum but it is good she isn't alone and has your father and brothers by her side. Perhaps you can manage to go and visit her regularly while being at uni? But before making such an important decision, you will need to have all the facts in front of you. So wait until your mum finds out exactly what is going on, what stage the cancer is, what the treatment plan is going to be before deciding what to do. Don't feel guilty though whatever decision you end up taking. Your mum would not want you I am sure to miss out on your university time.

I am sure some of our other members will be along soon and give you some advice based perhaps on their own personal experience. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Lucie 

Thankyou for responding. My mum does unfortunately have breast cancer, her surgery is on Friday of this week. I have been managing to go home every other weekend to visit and offer moral support. I am really scared for Friday as I felt like when I said goodbye to her this morning (I won't see her until next Saturday) that it would be the last time I would see her in good health for a long time. The consultant would not tell her what grade her cancer was when he gave her her diagnosis which is frustrating me. He said she had caught it early but until they look more closely at her lymph nodes they can't say whether it's likely to spread or not. I am a worrier at my core and at the moment every time she coughs or complains of a headache etc I spiral and assume the worst. I don't think that feeling is going to go away any time soon. I really don't want to lose my mum, she is my best friend. I'm scared for the future. Does anybody have any tips on the long periods of waiting between receiving results etc? I feel like I'm going crazy. 
 

how is your mother?
mine was sick too...
difficult to find your place during this period.
continue your studies, and come home when you can
what you're doing is very good.
all my support 

Hi.  Sorry to hear your news.  When my mum was diagnosed we decided that I had invented a new word ‘plan-icing’...eg I would immediately start making plans and decisions about what might happen...before I had all the facts and a clear idea of what was actually needed of me.  

I can’t tell you how many plans I made and decisions to make changes to x and y, only to have them all blown out of the water when my mums cancer took a totally different direction.

What I’m trying to describe is that until you have all of the information, there is minimal benefit (in my opinion) to making grand life-changing decisions.

When you get more information do you think that you could ask your mum what support she needs?.  Perhaps she has a network of friends that can rally round during the week and you can be in touch at the weekends?

Also, your University will have counselling and support services available to you.  I wonder whether chatting to them could help?

Very best wishes

I'm so sorry to hear that. My dad has cancer and his vertebrae disintegrated. He ended up in A&E in May last year and last month, he was admitted to the Emergency Department again, due to my mum passing a cold onto him by accident. Things aren't going too well for me and I'm currently in the middle of my college year. I gotta finish my assignments as soon as possible so that I can pay more attention to my parents and my mum has worked too hard to look after dad and I, while not looking after herself often, even when she wasn't well. It's hard to balance between my education and my responsibility to care for my dad and to make sure my mother looks after herself. I was even forced to go via taxi and my taxi driver creeped me out. I caught him speeding several times and the maximum speed limit was 85mph on a 70 limit. Since I have a cold now, I have decided to stay at home this week for the sake of my parents and I'm not as reckless as my classmates, since they come into college with colds without wearing a mask. I made a terrible mistake and I should've worked from home during flu and cold season. I'm here if you need to talk and all I'm doing is to avoid all of the major risks. When I tried to prioritise my health, my mum made me move around the house and she thought I was making excuses. Anyways, the main concern I have is balancing between my education, my dad's health and my safety from other people. What should I do?