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Drama1943
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I’ve just found out my mums cancer has spread to her heart, liver, kidneys, bones basically everywhere. She’s lived with my family since she divorced my dad and as the cancer has destroyed her pelvis she’s reliant on me 24/7. I though I was coping with it but I’m not. She’s in denial as she has ptsd when she had cancer 21 years ago and she’s been terrified it would come back. She’s been readmitted again and the guilt is so overwhelming (I had her admitted against her wishes  because I was so scared about the amount of pain she was in) I should go to see her tomorrow but all I want to do is curl up and forget it’s happening. I’m so scared to see her go through the next phase.

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    Hi there ...

    Bless ya ... what an amazing daughter you are, taking her in after her divorce ... not many would do that ... and you've cared 24/7 for so long ... no wonder you need a break ... please don't feel guilty you got her admitted... you did the right thing .. just imagine if you hadn't done that, she could have ended up in extreme pain .., then you've have felt guilty you kept her home ...

    Please try and look after you too now ... have a brake ... a day doing something totally different .. if you don't, you will brake yourself ... no one can keep going all the time .. instead of feeling guilty... look in the mirror and tell yourself, your proud of how much you have done .. if my lad did half of what you've done , I'd be well happy ...  

    If you take some time for you .. you will feel stronger when you do see her ... they can care for her far better there .. and you can still visit and spend quality time with her .. then have a bit of time for you ..

    Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx 

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    Hi,

    Sorry to read what you’ve been going through.

    Sometimes we just need to take pause, breathe and tell ourselves we are doing okay. 

    You’re going through so much and need to make sure you are taking care of you too. 

    You have nothing to feel guilty for, you are getting your mum the help she needs even though it’s extremely difficult circumstances for you. 

    It is scary, but you can do this and be there for your mum. It’ll mean a lot to you and her knowing you’ve been there every step of the way. 

    Thoughts are with you x

  • Offline in reply to AbbieT

    I had to call an ambulance and they took my dad into hospital against his wishes, I hated it there so did he as he would have preferred to be at home, but I also could  not have forgiven myself if I had not tried to get him the treatment he needed.   Its exhausting mentally and physically and emotionally isn't it, but you are there for her and also getting her the expert help needed 24/7.  Sometime it isn't really a choice X

     

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    Hi Drama,

    My life was saved by my son insisting that I go to hospital via ambulance, against my initial wishes. Turned out I had sepsis and needed an emergency op. Was lucky to pull through as I wasn't expected to by the docs.

    You did the right thing, in my opinion and have nothing to beaat yourself up about.

     

    Best Regards

    Taff

  • Offline in reply to Taff

    Thanks guys. Went to see her today and left her crying and feeling abandoned. Her mind seems to be going and she is accusing the nurses of deliberately making her suffer. I have never felt so low in my life

  • Offline in reply to Drama1943

    Hi there ...

    Hay please don't feel too bad ... it happens .. when the cancer is everywhere it makes a lot feel really angry at everything and everyone .. your mum would probly still be angry with you if she was still home .. it's not her talking, it's the cancer ... hopefully they will get her meds sorted to calm her , but even then she could be teary ... it's not you ...

    My big sister has late stage dementure .. and had to go in a care home for her own safety...  she went from the matriarch of our family ... wise , kind ... and wonderfull.... to someone who just told us to f off , all the time ... getting really angry at us .. but it's not her ... it's the dementure ... so after months her daughter and grandkids and me ... we just go into her world ... go along with whatever she says or does .. and we just prey for good days ... lately she stopped telling us to go ... though still won't let us near .. but after a year of this .. yesterday she asked me if I was comming back later ... oh my, that's one for the heart to remember ...

    So I know how hard that is .. I don't feel upset now .. it's just the way it is ... your mum isn't that mum.. she's the mum befor cancer touched her ... if you feel bad every time you see her ... cancer wins ... it's hurting you too ... don't let it .. lots of us here know just what it's like .. come on here anytime .. and it helped me, when I visit my sister to not go alone ... that's when it was overwhelming....

    Sending a vertual hug ...  Chrissie.... 

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