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Can't deal with this much stress

RL0390
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Hi everyone, thankyou for reading <3

My mum's living in London with my dad and brother, and is having chemo for Stage 4 GBM.

I'm in Birmingham studying a masters. I worked SO hard to get into Birmingham to do my dream Masters course, and I started here September 2018. Mum was diagnosed in Feb 19. I've moved in with my boyfriend up here and after chatting with my parents, they said the one thing that I can do for them is to continue my life and do what makes me happy. Having said that, I do go home every week to see mum so I spend my time split 50/50 between here and there.

Because of mum's condition, I had to resit one of my exams which I couldn't attend in May. On top of this, my dissertation deadline is looming and I am so stressed with this, but at my mum's request, I didn't apply for an extension, as I wouldn't be able to graduate in december, so would have to graduate next July and Mum is desperate to see me graduate. I have to get it done by the deadline in 3 weeks.

However, my mum also really wants me to go home for a week- i'm off work so I can do this, but I never get any work done at home as I'm either spending time with mum or trying to catch up on ironing/washing/tidying around for my dad, as he's working and struggling to keep up with it all. 

I feel physically sick with stress now, I'm not eating, I can't sleep. I've even got family members texting me saying to go home and spend a week at home with mum. I would LOVE to do this, but realistically if I want mum to see me graduate in december it's just not possible. I can't balance everything and I feel like I'm being ripped in two, I'm sick of it. I know this sounds so selfish and awful, I'm trying so hard to do what mum wants me to do and I don't want any regrets, but I physically can't do it all.

Sorry to ramble on this sunny bank holiday :( xx

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    RL0390, my goodness, no wonder you are stressed.

    First suggestion, find a way to offload a little if possible. Samaritans are always at the end of a phone, free to call on 116 123. They can be a sounding board to help you decide how you want to handle things. I guess uni may have counsellors available if you ask around. Sometimes talking things over with someone outside your everyday circle is a huge help.

    Regarding the week at home, does it have to be all or nothing? Perhaps you could agree to go for 2/3 days, and see how the land lies. It may be you decide you need to stay longer, or have a calm conversation with your parents to explain how work is stacking up. Try not to get caught up with the housework. It can wait. You have more than enough to deal with at the moment.

    Come back here if it helps. 

    regards, gamechanger

  • Offline in reply to gamechanger

    Hi gamechanger,

    Thankyou so much for replying- it really does mean a lot. Helps just to write it all down sometimes! I think that's a great idea- I've spoken to my dad who insists not to come home, and has had a chat with my mum about how stressed I am so that's good. Just hard to know what the 'right' thing to do is- the selfish part in me doesn't want to give it all up when i've worked so hard, just struggling to get the balance right!

     

    Thanks again 

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    You poor thing. You really are juggling so much. I think the suggestion from the PP to spend some days with your mum and also a few days on your work is a good idea.  It’s such a hard balance as I totally get you wanting to spend all of your time with your mum.  I hope that you get your assignment done on time and that your mum has a great time at your graduation. Sending you strength and best wishes x 

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