Hi Phil,

I just wanted to check in with you as it's a lonely time. I know you have family around but you do get very cut off from the world while this is going on. In Ireland we bury within days. My Dad's was 4 days because he died on a sat night and that seemed long. You must feel in limbo but it's a comfort knowing he's still sharing your space. Once they get buried that's when it becomes real. It's a tough day but you get through it. I don't know how but you do. Looking back on it I feel sick at the thoughts of it but the best you can do is give him the best send off. Everyone told us we did Dad proud and it's those things you cling on to. 

Today was tough for me as the kids went back to school. It's kind of a major event in terms of things moving on and getting back to 'normal' or our new normal. 

My mam was the same but thankfully Dad looked asleep too. She went in on her own and when she came out there was relief on her face. That's the passing they got, it was obv very peaceful. Dad had opted for a closed coffin anyway so it was a pity no one got to see how great he looked. 

It won't sink in for ages. It's been 7 weeks and I still can convince myself he's at home with my mam. I only visited once a week just cos life with a young family gets in the way. I think back now asking myself why I didn't go down more often. 

Someone has to do it Phil and I wouldn't fret about it. My Dad's one concern was that it would say what he died of. He told us to tell everyone liver cancer. 

Well take care of yourself and your mam. I'll be thinking of you all just because I know what you are going through and if I could take the pain away I would love to. As weird as that sounds from a stranger it's not nice to know someone else is experiencing this heartache. 

Hi Phil. I've just written chapter 12 of my blog that I sent you. Its about the funeral. It may help you? It's not as bad as you might be imagining it to be. 

Thinking of you. with lots of love, 

Mandy x

Hi, Phil,

I am so so sorry, for your loss, this is a sad time for you, but, you know you did everything in your power to make your Fathers last days so beautiful, May God Go with you Phil, we will remember him, our thoughts and prayers go with you.

Hi Mandy 

Thanks for the heads up , we’ve been away camping for 3 days just to do something different , it doesn’t really work that way unfortunately. 

Thanks again for the heads up on your blog .

You take care .

Regards

Phil

Hi Jax

That’s very thoughtfull of you , I’m touched that a total stranger would do that , you take care and I hope you have a peaceful life .

Regards

Phil

Hi, We have all been there, My father passed away aged 48, with Cancer, Now I face the same thing, It will be the fight of my life, and no matter the outcome, I will be there in Gods hands.

Hi 

Well the day has come to a close and my Fathers funeral was today at 3pm , it was the first time I’d seen the coffin which made It feel that this in fact was happening , I had tears in my eyes but also happiness in my heart as I knew Dad was no longer in pain like he was on the Friday night before he went on the driver on the Saturday afternoon . That will be the night I will never ever forget for the rest of my life as I helped him to stand and held him upright as I could feel him hugging me . Today a brave man was  at peace , this chapter hasn’t closed it’s just had the page corner neatly folded over so we can return and find the page later on when we all feel strong enough to open up those memory’s.

Every time I post I well up and every time I post I feel as though I’ve let go , today I let go on loads of occasions especially after carrying my Father with my brothers into the chapel . That was the hardest but proudest moment for me . We had a photo on his coffin , he’s looking over his right shoulder towards the camera as the photo was taken , I think this photo will be my favourite as he’s always going to be looking over his shoulder just making sure we’re all ok , he’ll be up front and on occasions he’ll glance back towards us , I hope he glances back towards his wife of 60 years to make sure she’s doing well , they were actually together for 64 years . 

For those of you who are going through this please don’t be afraid , feel happy that your loved one is at peace and is no longer in pain , they are the hero’s in our lives .

Hi, H3,

You are a brave man, you showed your father love, strength, and courage, I know your fathers journey has ended, but, it is not, may the road to heaven be a joyous one, May the Angels greet him with love, may the Lord take him under his guidance and give him peace.

I am thinking of you and will say a prayer to guide you as you go on your journey, You father is not gone, because he is forever in your heart. God Bless You.

Firstly, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job.

Do you have the support that you need from Marie curie/district nurses. Would you ever consider hospice care??

its completely normal and terrifying experience to go through. Seek support and counselling. 

Take care of yourself x