Dad has weeks to live

Hi, my dad was taken into hospital nearly 2 weeks ago. He had a fall and mum couldn't get him up so had to ring 999. Paramedics took him to hospital as his temperature was over 40. They said he had pnuemonia and sepsis. Sent him for an MRI and s next day told us they found a shadow on his lung so did a CAT Scan to see better. Next day told us he had lung cancer in one lung lung, next day told us it was both lungs with asbestos. Next day after further scans told us it was in his bones. Next day told us it was in his neck and close to his spine. Next day told us it was aggressive and gone to lymph nodes ...next day we are told he has weeks to live. Gave him one shot of radiotherapy for pain and put a collar on him as his neck could snap or if the cancer got into his spinal chord he could be paralyzed. We are waiting for him to be transferred back to a local hospital where they will assess him for what he needs at home. We will then take him home and look after him. I am devastated and feel so ill myself. I take my mum everyday to hospital to see him and there been so many tears. He doesn't know how long he's got because we asked the drs not to tell him. I'm working and going to hospital every day which is 40 miles away. I feel emotionally drained and don't know what to do. My head's like a big cloud and I'm barely sleeping. Do I ask Dr for a sick note or keep going. I have 6 days holidays left at work and I'm saving those for the end when I will stay with mum and dad and help nurse him. My head's such a mess. Poor dad keeps crying when we visit him, I love him so much and I don't know how I'm going to cope without him. 

 

  • Talk to your Employer and let them know of your circumstances and they should let you have compassionate leave.

    I think it would be extremely difficult to look after your dad at home with all that you have said with his prognosis as I have been in a similar situation.

    Seriously consider getting Dad into a Hospice (near to home) to care for him emotionally during his final days, and then you and Mom can spend precious time together and let him know how you love him.

    Try to keep Strong for your Dad !!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Hi there

    i am in a similar situation my mother was taken to hospital 3 weeks ago with suspected sepsis as she was so ill but after weeks of antibiotics not doing anything they did CT which showed lung kidney and liver cancer and me and my family have brought her home as they think she only has weeks left to live.

    The problem is I live 200 miles away and my sister 300 miles but we are both scared to even go home for a day in case she deteriorates and passes when we not here and also my father couldn’t cope alone.

    i also have 2 small children with me who probley shouldn’t be here but my husband has to work.

    it is so hard and I think I am at some point going to have to ask Dr for a sick note as I am stressed and can be here and 200 miles away where my home and job is.

    if you do bring him home they are great and provide bed and everything and we also have carers coming 3 times a day to see if we need help which is great but mum not comfortable with them washing etc so we trying to do it all.

    Also don’t feel bad if you can’t bring him home as a Hospice is a lovely place also.

    I wish my mum would cry or say something but she is a strong lady and don’t think she would in front of us and that’s killing me looking at her thinking is she scared etc

    Just thought I’d reply to let you know someone else out there with all the same worries.

    Jo x

     

  • Thank you for your reply. I have gathered up my remaining holidays at work and will save them for when dad's home. We wouldn't put him in a hospice as mum promised him we'd care for him at home. My two eldest daughters have been community care workers and they will also help. I'm taking each day at a time at work and unfortunately we are very short staffed so I can't just take time off although my boss has been extremely good to me. 

  • Awwww jo-c I'm sorry you are going through this too. It's so difficult, I am here for you if you want to talk anytime x