Never enough

It seems like I can never do enough for my daughter to make her cancer diagnosis feel any better, it feels like the more I do for her the more she says I’m not doing enough,I’m trying to help her with the smallest amount of mental strength I have left but I dare not mention to her I’m tired or I’m stressed because obviously her cancer is worst I live on guilt  if I could I would give her more of my time but I also have 2 other children that want and need my attention and I’m also looking after my 5 year old granddaughter her daughter 4 days a week  I’m juggling everything I no my daughters cancer diagnosis is so serious but I don’t no how to share myself at the moment without my daughter saying I’m not doing enough

  • Hi christinee 

    I think your going to be firm with your daughter, and tell her you can only do so much, i know it sounds cruel but what happens if you get ill you sound like your not far off now you have to think about yourself more you've been doing this a long time your getting worn out, sorry for being blunt, but you cannot deny its true, can you get someone to help you with things,, best wishes 

    Billy 

  • Thankyou for your reply  I needed that I’m definetky gonna try and be much more firmer with the boundaries with my daughter coz she’s only got me as are family I are not very supportive so I have to look after me thanks for that advice

  • Hi there ...

    Yes cancers really hard as we all know here .. and yes it can cause us stress and to get angry ...  cancer is the reason ... it is not an excuse to hurt those trying to help ... you need to care for you too ... if you just keep pushing yourself then your body will give in at some point... 

    Your not superwoman with boundless energy .. I know how caring for my grandkids can take it out on me .. so I tell them I'll do what I can when l can .. if I need some time just forme ... I'll do it ... I think your letting her play with you emotionally... if I were you I would start being a mum again instead of her carer ..you have a heart of gold and they are so lucky to have you ..

    I know what cancers like I'm a breast cancer lass ... and I've been so so greatfull to everyone who's helped me ... but oh what I'd give for a mummy hug now ... untill we loose mum's we don't realise how much we miss them .. l think she needs a bit of "tough love"  and if she truly loves you she will understand ..  good luck ...  Chrissie xx

  • Hi christinee is your daughter mobile or is she bed ridden, i know she's your daughter but it seams like she wants you to do everything for her, are there some things she could do herself, my wife is disabled needs 24 /7 care but I let her do sometimes on her own if she makes a mess of it I clean up but I'm trying to keep her doing things or she just sits there giving orders, she can't walk with out me supporting her she can't use a frame her balance has gone,, try to get your daughter doing things on her own, hope you don't think I'm being cruel but they need exercise of some kind I've found that out through the years, best wishes.

    Billy 

  • Hi thanks for your reply ,as answer to your question no my daughter is not bed ridden but she is house bound due to her cancer symptoms getting worse if she goes out and causes her to much pain to walk outside so she only goes on hospital transport for her hospital appts but I do feel I need to take a step back and look at the things she can do in the house without me , I am so grateful for this site because being able to connect with people like u enables me to stop and get off the daily autopilot if caring for someone with cancer and realise I still have to look after me and I don’t think your being cruel at all giving me advice I really appreciate it

  • Hi christinee as i said before I'm my Mrs is carer, but I'm the one with C I'm non curable I'm trying to get part time carer in found it can take months what with paper work and assessments I am managing but soon I'll need more cemo and I'm not very good on it hopefully carers come before cemo starts, remember look after yourself,, and good luck 

    Billy