Hello Lulabell the nurse assigned is there for advice & support. They will help your mum decide about pain relief and may offer her respite in a local hospice. Hospices nowadays play an important role in quality of life which can still happen even if prognosis is bleak. Encourage your mum and the family to embrace this support. The nurses really are fantastic and can answer all these questions that your worrying about. Good luck to you all xx 

Hi there ..

I agree with Angela... hospices are there to make every day count .. that is the best place for pain management... you can stay there as long as you want .. but it gives you and dad just a few hours to yourselfs ... caring for this last journey at home takes its toll on your health and dad's too ..

You could ask her care team about a place for mum .. that's what I want ... they are truly amazing places with the most caring staff ... who will care for you and dad too ... do this as soon as poss ... as it may be a little wait .. or you may get mum a place quickly ... that's what I'd want my son to do ... keeping her pain under control is the most important thing right now ... my heart goes out to you ...

Sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie  

Hi [@lulabell1234]‍ 

My heart actually pains reading your post your post, you and your family have been through so much but you all sound like a strong family. 

I think definitely let your nurse know that your Mum is feeling this amount of pain, and make sure to take notes.

I just turned 30. My father has bowel cancer that has spread to his liver. Diagnosed August 2019. It’s surreal. I have to repeat it to myself when I wake up most mornings.

I know it’s a different cancer but we rang up the nurse and explained how bad his nausea was back in April,(I was up at night trying to give him Valoid it was shocking -hospital even asked how did we cope- I lost so much weight myself those 2 weeks I was on Easter hols from teaching, it was that hard to keep up with as the nausea might begin at 2, it was severe)  he ended up getting back up to the hospital and they had to spend a few weeks trying new medications etc.

When this week now that he started treatment, we rang up our nurse and had to get something for the severe restlessness and anxiety that was causing many sleepless nights straight after the chemo. My advice is keep note of any symptoms, and really push to get the correct dosage of morphine, your lovely Mum may need a higher dosage? 

A book that has really helped me and my Da, is The Power of Now. Really helped me re-evaluate how my thoughts would always wander into the unknown, into the worst outcome especially when I was tired rather than stay in the monent. I’d really recommend this read. 

I am thinking of you and your family, I know how hard it is when you are waiting for the meeting with Doctors, once you’ve met the doctor and a treatment plan is put in place you’ll feel better. 

Big virtual hug  

Aisling 

Hi there Lula, 

Sadly, i am in an almost identical situation to you.  I lost dad two years ago to prostrate cancer which had spread to his bones and then went to his liver.  Now mum has been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer which has gone to her breasts, lymph nodes and kidneys.  

We have had a rollercoaster of hospital appointments and the hospice was involved straight away along with the district nurses.  Now that the pain has kicked in, they have been invaluable in trying to get this pain under control and their preference is to get everything ready in advance in case or when it is needed.  Let the hospice help you as much as they want to, they are amazing people and i have also found that the doctors can sometimes not explain things well and their practical experience and empathy really does help you to understand things.  I would strongly advise that you have a chat with your main hospice contact alone as they are so supportive and they can answer all of your questions as knowing is a lot better than wondering what is going on.

My heart breaks for you and please look after yourself too. xxx