Hi there ...

Well that's a huge dilema... but if it were me, I'm not sure I'd let my children go through that .. esp the 6 year old ... the hospice now are wonderful places where they'd look after you all .. and the children would be taken care of while you stayed with her ... that's what I'd want .. then you all get quality visits ...

I don't know if your hubby has rally thought this through .. end of life care is really hard on everyone .. and 24/7 care l think would put enormous stress on you all .. 

Your babies have to come first .. your children visiting is so different from being there all the time ..  well I have cancer, and I would not have my grandkids go through that ... but it's something you need to have a heart to heart with hubby .. but a hospice is the middle ground .. you could still stay there but visit often .. I really hope you can both put your kids first here ... but my heart goes out to you .. Chrissie xx

Thank you Chrissie, this is my gut feeling. She is currently in the hospice but they think she will be ok to go home & have care there. It’s so hard. 

I really appreciate your honest reply, my children are my everything & I have to protect them . Thank you x

Hi Petal79,

If your mum-in-law is currently in a hospice, where has the suggestion of her going home come from? Is it her wish to go home, is it your husband's idea that she should be cared for at home or have the hospice suggested it (which sometimes happens if a patient's life expectancy is not thought to end within the next few weeks). 

If it's your mil or husband who have raised this they really need to understand that it will take a lot of organising as a lot of care will be needed. Dependant on  mobility - a hospital bed, commode, wheelchair, hoist etc will be needed. Up to 4 visits a day from carers will be necessary if mobility and continence is an issue. The hospice or GP practice nurses may also be visiting daily. All this is a great burden to take on without children being present so, just from a practical point of view, it's not ideal with children around. 

My mum went home from the hospital in the last weeks of her battle with ovarian cancer. She was paralysed with secondary tumours to the spine. She was doubly incontinent. All the above was necessary so that my dad, me & my brother could care for mum and it was very hard - somewhere in the day you still have the shopping, washing, cleaning etc to do. The carers were great but were only there for an hour 4 times a day. Sadly my mum (also a diabetic) had a problem with her insulin levels and almost went into a coma so was rushed back to hospital (a terrifying experience for her family) and she died there a week later from the cancer. Being cared for at home isn't always the easiest, physically and mentally, for the patient or the family so I think a heart to heart needs to take place with your husband. I certainly wouldn't suggest children live in that environment. If staying at the hospice is an option I think she would get the better quality of care there & it means that the time her family are with her at the hospice is quality time - not time spent running around trying to spin all the plates in her home.

Good luck,

Angie

Hi Angie, 

Thanks so much for your response. 

My mil has been in the hospice for 3.5 weeks now. She contracted a virus but miraculously the antibiotics worked for her and she is now in a much better condition although the long term prognosis is the same.

We think the docs are going to ask her if she wants to go home but not meeting with them until Friday. 

The thoughts of it all is so worrying at the moment. I’m just going to have to try my best to keep the children protected and suppers my husband & mil at the same time.

thank you so much for taking the time out to reply to me. I really appreciate it x

pp