Hi there ..

So sorry he's going through such a tough time ...

I've got a sister with dementure,  and most of the time drifts into or out of recognising us ... although different it's still the same sinario ... and I've learned loads about what to do or not do and to say to them as l have worked with dementure patients in the past ..

Just go along with him .. whatever he's thinking or saying .. just go into his world ...  when you try to be honest or correct them, it makes them anxious and scared .. and confused ... and they will still forget what you've said, but will remember the feeling of confusion but not know why ...

I remember a lady I used to work with .. she was always thinking she'd be late home and her parents would be cross .. and the bus was late ... even though she was in the care system and her parents had been gone many years before .. so I'd tell her the bus was stuck in traffic .. I'd phoned her mum to say she'd be late .. and I told her I'd let her know when the bus was here ... she was happy with that and would sit and watch the t.v content till the next afternoon .. where we'd do it all again ..

So now we do that for my sister .. she thinks mum and dad are home waiting for her .. we just go along with it .. if you can all do that, everyone will cope .. if you try bringing him to the present you'll all get up set ... it's not them doing this it's their brain working differently ..

Hope that helps a tad ..  Chrissie  ; ))

Hi MH,

I feel you.  My partner Stephen has brain cancer too.  He had surgery to have the tumor removed and is currently on his 5th round of chemo.  He too forgets things and it is heartbreaking to watch.

When Stephen forgets I think about how important is it that he has forgotten something.  I don't want to upset him at all.  So if it is a little thing, I let it go.    If it is a bigger thing i remind him gently of what it is that he forgot.   But that is the rub.   Does your boyfriend know he doesn't remember things?  Stephen knows that he forgets things so while it hurts him, he knows it is a side effect of the surgery.   (seizure... medicine.. etc.).   

For his cousin, I would remind him, tell very gently that he is sick and that sometimes he will forget things, but that it is NORMAL.  And that it's ok.  And that you are there to help him remember things when he needs you. 

But I would only do it if i didn't think it would cause him too much upset.   If you think he would react badly then let it go.  We never know what is pushing against what and something might change and his memory might come back.  That is the thing about brain cancer.  Things are always changing in thier heads and todays "normal:"  is not tomorrow's. 

Sorry my advice is a bit mixed, but every deciscion you make has to be the one that would do the most good, or the least amount of harm. 

I wish you all the best.

Rebecca.