Hello,

My mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer last August, subsequently had an op to remove a 7cm tumour. The docs found more 'polyps' but were unable to remove them at this time. Within a month mum was returned to hospital with sepsis. Due to this complication chemo didn't start until January. After 5 cycles of 8 the chemo was stopped due to the side effects. In May mum was rushed to hospital with a blockage, cue further diagnosis of the cancer has spread throughout her bowel, and various other organs. Nothing they can do. 

Mum has now been back in hospital for the last 2 weeks with further blockage and issues. Within this 2 weeks she has seriously gone downhill, losing weight, looking gaunt and near constant diaorrhea. Today she fainted getting out of bed, is now on a drip and is bed bound. The palliative care doc has mentioned hospice to her.

Here's my confusion- most of this we know because we've been sneaky and asked nurses, docs etc. Mum doesn't share with us the details of her diagnosis. I know she's trying to protect my brother and myself, but it's hard.

I'm the 'strong one' and my brother is the 'head in the sand one'. I'm beginning to believe that this is the beginning of the end of life phase. It's so difficult tiptoeing around the situation. 

I don't know what I want to get from this post, except to say that I'm 'fed up' with being the strong one, and I'd just like to hide my head in the sand sometimes too and it bloody hurts to see my mum in this situation. :-(