Please, please don't beat yourself up. You have every right in the world to feel like you do just now. Your love for your mum comes through very strongly and you certainly aren't being selfish. I'm so sorry your mum has had this diagnosis, but things will get a bit easier for both of you when treatment is underway. This waiting period is a special kind of hell. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago and had a 20 year old daughter who was hit very hard by it. She's never been able to talk to me about it. My advice would be to talk to your mum about how you feel. She may have cancer but her top priority will be that she is your mum and she's still going to want to fill that role. You two have been through such a lot that you can manage this too. All the best.

Thankyou so so much for your response. It honestly means the world.. I am so very sorry for you also. How are things progressing for you? Yes we are so open with each other, It's comforting, im going to make sure Monday I have go completely prepared with all my questions. The waiting is literally the absolute worst. Your mind just goes into overdrive. It's awful. I haven't even slept all night. I'm all out of sorts. It's just me & mum at home & I'm still not very well myself but I don't care about me just my mumma. But finding it hard just doing everything. I'm exhausted. Yes definitely nothing can keep us down ♡ thankyou & takecare of yourself xx

It's completely understandable that you feel totally overwhelmed just now. I was prescribed a beta blocker for a few weeks after diagnosis, and it helped a bit. Maybe your GP could suggest something. I feel so sorry for you as this is really the worst time. You will be looking for every little sign that the cancer is galloping all over your mum. I was sure I could feel mine growing between diagnosis and treatment starting. Once the treatment plan is decided, there will be lots of appointments, and it is easier to cope when there are practical things to do and regular interaction with medical professionals.  There is every reason for you and your mum to feel optimistic, and her treatment will be tailored to her needs.  In the meantime, although it will be hard, try to find distractions as much as possible for you both. Even short periods of distraction help your mind recover from the shock and strain.

Thanks for asking, I am fine now, physically, in fact I am better than I've been in decades. Mentally, I'm getting there, working and doing things I enjoy, and trying to keep things in perspective and the fear at bay.