Worried

The McMillan nurse came today to see my husband about what end of life care wishes are. She had given us the book to fill in and read. I must admit we have not read it. I don't know how to start the conversation with my husband about it. I think he thinks the same about starting the conversation with me. I feel like it's a nightmare I can not wake up from. I feel selfish as it's not me who ill it's my husband. I cannot stop  crying when im by myself. We know their not more treatment and they are just going to make sure he's comfortable. My head is all over the place 

  • Hello sweetie - I'm so sorry this is happening to you & your husband - it's an awful situation for you. You do sound so very desperate & I can't imagine how I would start the conversation either. However, I hope you will be able to find a way to do it. I say this having lost people to this horrible illness & seen other people go through it too. I do know that if you can summon up the courage to start the talk with your husband things will become easier. You need to help each other & I'm sure you will. Perhaps if you just tell him you keep crying - something as simple as that & take it from there. The longer you leave it the harder it's likely to become. Fear in this situation is dreadful but I would like to think that you are braver than you know & will find the way to do it. I do hope so & hope this in some small way, helps you just a little bit. x

  • Hi thank you for your reply. We both had a good cry last night. We speak a bout it a bit. I feel bed for getting so upset. He's the one its happening to. We been to together over 30 years and done everything together.I really feel when the time comes I will not cope. I don't want him to be in pain. He says that he hopes that he heart gives in before the cancer takes over as hes heart is week. Take care

  • Hello again - crying together no matter how very sad for you both is a big step in the right direction I'm sure. Please, please don't feel bad for being upset. It's absolutely normal & I'm sure you'd see that if anyone else in your circumstances did it wouldn't you? It isn't just happening to your husband it's happening to both of you & you'll go through whatever comes together too I'm sure. You say you're speaking about it a bit - that's ok now that you've started. You'll speak more about it I'm sure as a day or two passes please don't be afraid to as it will help. I know that from personal experience & you won't have any regrets in the end.

    30 years is a lifetime really & you obviously don't want him to be in pain. I'm sure the doctors & nurses will do everything they can to make sure he isn't. As for not coping later - you know people are much stronger than they think they are & often things happen which make them strong. I feel this will be the same for you - you were strong enough to ask for support here & honest enough to share your feelings. That tells me a lot about you.

    Do let us know how you are getting on if you'd like to. Try to take each day as it comes. Tomorrow is the time to worry about tomorrow. xx

  • Thank you.  I really appreciate your replays. I've got to go back to work soon. But I don't what to leave him alone. Just want us to wake up from this nightmare xxx

  • I know you want to wake up because it must feel like a nightmare. Isn't there anyone who might be with him whilst you're at work? Have you talked to your boss about what's happening so that you might be able to take some time off or perhaps your GP would give you a sick note. X