Hi.

Welcome to the forum and I hope others will be along to chat too. Although my husband's cancer was different  I, too found  myself posting as felt overwhelmed with the situation of being the main carer in the home environment.  It does sound as though you are somewhat in the dark as to your Mum's situation and possible prognosis. Once my hubby could not longer tolerate 'holding treatment' (in his case palliative chemotherapy) he was on enough medication to make any pain bearable and we had community nurses/palliative care who were very good (also a 24hr phone contact in the latter stages arranged between his consultant and our GP surgery).  If your Mum has given permission all aspects of her medical treatment may be discussed with you and your Dad (she may be trying to protect you from this of course).  It does sound as though you have good care availability and perhaps she has been allocated a specific breast cancer care nurse whom you could have a chat with.

I know it is easy to say from where I am sitting but you are not in the least useless as you are showing care and love by looking after your Mum which is no easy task either physically or mentally.  Call on any support you feel you, your Dad and your Mum may need and rant and rave all you want on this site.  So many others will understand your fears, frustrations and the unfairness of it all.

Regards, Jules54

Hi, sorry to hear this. It’s so difficult to know what to do isn’t it.

It sounds like the infection may have wiped your mum out, energy-wise, however with advanced cancer it is harder to fight off, with the immune system being already compromised.

It sounds like you’re doing all you can (I’m in a similar position with my mum). Each day is so hard isn’t it. If you would like an idea of the time-frame, you could ask her oncologist or nurse specialist. They are usually happy to speak to you separately if your mum agrees and/would prefer not to know. 

The uncertainty is awful isn’t it. And even with a time-frame, no one can be exact. 

The local hospice may also be able to offer your mum some respite / change of scenery for a few days, if you feel you might all benefit. It doesn’t have to be at the very ‘end’ of life - they can just give you a break and your mum some physical & emotional support. 

Either way, it’s hard. There’s really no magic advice. Just ask for as much information as you need, in order to mange things.

Good luck xx

Thank you for the replies. I just wanted to update anyone who is reading. The day after this was posted my mum went into a&e and was diagnosed with sepsis. She has been there 5 days and they are releasing her back into our care as she wishes to pass away at home. They've given us a time frame of a few weeks.

The day I posted this was the last day I had a proper conversation with her. 

Hi 

i have just read your experience with your Mum very sad.

i was looking for some advice and found you!

My mother went to the Doctirs three weeks ago with pain in her stomach and side. She had been in and out of the doctors for months and she ust wasn’t interested but this time she saw a locum GP who sent her for a scan on her womb and liver.

Her womb was thickened which they said was probably cancer and then the next day she had an X-ray on her liver they called her back within hours to say they had found something on her liver and she was being fast tracked to the liver specialist!

well 10 days later she’s in absolute agony couldn’t get an appointment with her GP. When she did she  just said we will do another blood test cone in 2 days time.

she went last Thursday for the blood test and by 7pm

The Gp called to say she had septsis and she was calling her an ambulance. I went with her to the hospital and now they are saying that she has multiple mastatic cancers in her liver secondary to uturus cancer.

No one will give us any answers the hospital keep saying they will contact us. 

The Staff Nurse told us this evening that they are treating the infection and pain relief.

we know she is going to Die but are trying to establish some kind of time

frame as my father in law is bed ridden at home and needs 24 hours care it’s a complete nightmare!

Hi,

Sorry for late response but have been away.  Sad to read your latest update and just wanted to send a virtual hug as you face difficult days ahead. 

It is no consolation but make whatever memories you still can and whilst your Mum may not be able to chat with you I am pretty sure she will listen to what you say to her.  The hardest of times.  My Mum has been in care for over 7 years and on an end of life regime for the last 12 months.  It is now three months since she spoke directly to me; so incredibly sad for everyone involved.  Jules 

Hi,

So sorry to hear about your ma.  I was in the same boat a couple of years ago with my mam.  My brother and me took it inturn to look after my mam.  We were both exhausted as we were getting no help other then the district nurses coming one a day as mam had a pressure sore.  In the end we begged for help on the night time.  In the end Marie Curie nurses came in to cover the night shift to give  me and my brother a break.  They were a god send.  You have to ask for them via the district nurses.  They do day care a aswell so please ask as they proved hudge support.  As for a time scale on you situation ask your GP or consultant who you mam saw in hospital.   We were given  3 to 6 months for my mam and she only lasted 6 weeks so its not set in concrete .  Please ask for help as it is there.  Only thing you can do is take each day and make your mam as confortable as possible. 

Hi. Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately my mum passed away on June 26th. The day I wrote this post was the last day we had a proper chat. Thanks for your reply again.

Hi. Thanks for your reply unfortunately my mum passed away on June 26th. The day I wrote this post was the last day we had a proper conversation. Thank you forv your advice, hopefully someone else reading can get some help from it.

JunoRipley, my condolences at this saddest of times. Jules