My wife aged 56 has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, is now on second course of chemo (capox) but has been very unwell since Xmas with a blocked bile duct operated on but high billurubin has returned. I have had reservations about the standard of care she has received and what I would describe has a lack of kindness from some consultants and some nurses. Some have been brilliant with her. In 2015 she was diagnosed with ptsd which is massively exacerbated by hospitals and a fear of them. If I am with her then it makes everything much easier but owing to COVID the hospitals operate a blanket no entry to patient relatives. I got my MP involved and the hospital relented. My wife was admitted to a different hospital for 4 days last week and the ward sister refused to engage with me about being able to sit somewhere with my wife - she did not come to the phone, return my calls even when I was told that she would call me. The ward was awful - they had 3 security men sat there because a male patient was running amok until the early hours and my wife was petrified. This major regional hospital has just 4 COVID patients in ICU!! My feeling is they know she is going to die from this awful illness soon and so why bother. She still has high bilirubin, can't eat much or at all and facing prospect of being readmitted to the same ward this week - I can see her refusing.

Hi, I am just wondering what the outcome was with you mam. My dad is in a simliar position only that Chemo is not an option unfortunatley. He is currently in Hospital waitng on a bed in another hospital as the Stint he got in has blocked and they want to do a different procedure. My main worry at the minute is that he is not eating and wearing away if you ask me and I am very concern that we are going to lose him quicker than expected. I am presuming that with little food and drink your body will start to shut down. I know by him and the way he feels at the minute he wishes it all over. 

Hi Courtney,

I am so sorry to hear about your dad.  It is such an awful illness, and so difficult to watch someone you love waste away and feel unable to help them.  My mum passed away just over a month ago now.  We thought we were going to lose her at Christmas time and then she did a bit better before deteriorating quite rapidly from mid-May.  She never really ate what I would call food from the time she was diagnosed and had the stent fitted until she passed away.  Occasionally she would try soups or similar food but barely had more than a couple of spoonfuls.  She essentially survived for about 8 months on the liquid nutrition they gave her like Ensure but obviously got weaker over that time.  Sometimes she would reach her expected calories for the day but other times she wouldn't.  Dad especially found it hard when she didn't but she would say that we couldn't understand and she preferred us not to talk to her about food.  We never really knew what was preventing her from eating more.  Eventually she became too weak to continue with the Chemo.  She didn't like taking tablets and Dad did say recently that she never really took the full amount of Creon that the Nutritionist said she should be taking and he wondered if that meant she always felt full although she obviously wasn't.  A Doctor in the hospice did also tell me that even if she was receiving the full amount of daily calories that the cancer would still mean she lost weight and strength.    Mum did move between wanting it all to be over and then finding some joy in life again over the 8 month period.  We know we were lucky to have the 8 months with her as it is such an aggressive cancer and prognosis isn't good from diagnosis.  Obviously everyone's story is different as your Dad's will be.  Try to take care of yourself too if you can during what is a really tough time for you.