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What do you wish you’d done/said/asked before your mum died?

Josie99
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My mum had AML last year and now it’s come back. She’s going into palative care, and we don’t know how long she has left, potentially under a year. 

I only found this out the other day, and I’m completely broken. I’m 20, and am the oldest of four sisters (aged 18, 10 and 7) and I have no idea how to deal with this. I’m very close with my sisters and can’t imagine the youngest one having no clear memories of our mum. 

I want to make the most of the time we have left so I don’t regret anything after she has passed.

For people who have had parents that passed, what do you wish you had asked/done/said to them before they went? She’s healthy enough at the moment to travel and she’s very active, she’s still planning to hike the Macmillan mighty hike in a few weeks. I just don’t even know where to start with trying to fill the time we have with all the most valuable things.

Can anyone help?

Also if you could share any info on how to keep the memory alive for young children and how to help them deal with it I would really appreciate it.

 Thanks,

Josie x

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    Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... and it's a lovely thing you asked on here ... so many use the last bit of time, grieving and thinking what it will be like later ...

    My mum died suddenly from a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to be her daughter... or hold her one more time ... what I'd give for just one hour with mum... 

    The one good thing was the huge amount of love and lessons she taught me through life ... we spent so much time together .. and my boys were 16 and 7 when she passed .. and she adored them, and them her ... we brought her with us .. we talk about her often .. and my boys still put pictures of her on their face book... and my 7 year old still remembers her and the things they did together ..

    Now I'm on my cancer journey.... and my granddaughter is 7 ... I've made her a memory book ... from when she was just one .. I've told her about the day she was born .. put pictures in of my mum and dad, and told her their stories ... I've put in lots of pics of where we've been like pantomimes and holidays .. 

    I think you'll make every day count ... make memories that will last a lifetime .. just sitting looking through albums.. asking her about her life growing up ... watching a film ... l used to call my mum , my pillow .. I'd lay my head on her lap, and she'd stroke my hair ... we just loved ... nothing huge .. just glad I'd had her as my best friend ... that's how id like my granddaughter to think of me ... 

    You sound a wonderful daughter ... and yes we'd both have liked more time .. but some people never know that spiecial bond between a mother and daughter ... I'd not change anything really ... and follow your heart .. leave nothing unsaid ... and listen to her ... she may want to talk about things that are hard to hear .. I remember one day mum telling me ... I'm so glad I listened... though at the time, I thought we had years left .. did she know she didn't have long ... l dont know ... but share tears .. hugs .. and walk together and you'll be glad you did ...  

    Sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie xx

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