Hi

I am so sorry to read what your dad, you and your family are going through. I have never written on this forum before but I found it helped when I was going through exactly the same as you with my mum.  I remember vividly feeling helpless and confused, not knowing which way to turn.  My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer on 1st Feb 2019 and sadly passed away on 28th April. Mum had mesothelioma from asbestos that dad had brought into the house on his clothes and mum contracted it from washing his clothes. 

Like you, as a family we had been lucky and hadn't experienced anything similar and didn't know where to go for help. Plus the fact that dad was in denial and wouldn't accept how poorly mum was didn't help. I would suggest you talk to your GP as they are responsible for your dad's care as he is at home. I would also contact your local Macmillan/Palliative Care Team as they helped my family and by liasing with the district nurse we were able to have equipment at home such as a commode, hospital bed etc. Please look into having carers 3 times per day, this is something I bitterly regret as dad wouldn't have carers in more than once a day and we needed them in more often.

We used to tempt mum with jellies, ice creams and I would ask the GP/Palliative care team about prescribing Fortisips, they are a high calorie drink that come in different flavours. 

I hope I haven't worried or upset you, everyone is different and it's not to say that your dad won't pick up. The worst thing is not knowing in my opinion so I would find out exactly what's happening first. Mum had 2 doses of radiotherapy so there maybe a plan for treatment for your dad. 

Sending you strength and a virtual hug. 

Take care

Thank you for your reply. I'm so sorry about your mum. I hope you and your dad are doing ok.

It feels awful to say but it is reassuring to know other people have been through the same experience, so I really appreciate your words.

Even when he was fit and healthy he was notoriously picky about food. He has high-cal drinks but refuses them, and he won't eat jelly. I can get him to have small amounts of soup or custard but that's about it. He complained about feeling pressured to eat while he was in hospital so I'm cautious about pushing him too hard, but at the same time I know he needs to increase what he eats or he'll just get worse.

The NHS have been really great up to this point, but I kind of feel like we've been abandoned since the diagnosis. 

I'm going to contact his GP and Macmillan first thing tomorrow, thanks again for your advice.

You are very welcome and if I can help in any way with my experience please just let me know. 

It's a very lonely time where you feel like you're in a nightmare bubble and yet the world is carrying on so it helps to know others have been through it.

x

I’m so sorry to hear the sad news about your dad , I think just you and your brother going to see him as much as you can is all you can do I bet he appreciates you coming to see him even if sometimes he may feel to I’ll to show it , just keep doing what your doing I wish you all the best and don’t forget to look after you