Hi alejac sorry to hear about your mother, but wellcome to the forum sorry you're stressed out can you get carers in to help a little, hubby doesn't seem to be helping very much, relatives and friends should help each other, it seems like your doing everything, in our house i do all the work but I'm the one with C it's not curable. But I've got a disabled wife i look after 24/7 it does get hard sometimes but we manage I've some more cemo soon so sorted something with carer when I'm ill, remember if you get ill what happens,. Good wishes.

Billy 

Hi Billy thank you for your reply I am sorry to hear about your cancer. My partner has always been extremely understanding and helpful when things on my side has been difficult. He's not so disabled that he would need carers ect he has psoriatic arthritis fibromyalgia liver disease and cfs which these flare up so you can never judge when he will be very unwell and need help with his basic needs. I'm managing to cope with the physical side just about its just the emotional side of things I just feel like I'm making like unbearable for him and the children as I'm so disconnected with everything right now.

Hi ale, life can be hard can't it, if you need to rant a little bit your welcome any time on the forum I now it helps. Your a caring person not every one is best wishes. 

Billy 

Hi Ale,

Firstly I'm really sorry about your mother and understand how worried, anxious and scared you must be. I'm going through it with my mum aswell and caring for my disabled brother.

At times it can be a very isolating feeling especially when you feel like you can't properly articulate how you feel to those around you.

The main thing is, that you need to take care of yourself. You only know what your going through so don't be afraid of opening up to those around you. Speak to a few good friends and your partner, have them see your side of it and ask them for their support, understanding and patience as it's a very worrying time. Don't stress yourself out by constantly searching online as in my own experience, it didn't help much.

This forum is an excellent platform to speak to people going through similar things, so you'll find a lot of support here.

Speak to Macmillan nurses to see what information and resources are available for your mother so you can support her more.

In my experience, don't put your life on hold, try to establish a routine that involves time for you. Start meditating, get some counselling if it helps (it did for me), get a good workout in at the gym, go for massages etc basically empower your self through healthy choices so you'll feel stronger to cope and support your family. I got this book "kicking cancer in the kitchen" which is really good.

If your worried about risks of getting Cancer then start going for regular health screenings or body MOTs so if anything does come up then it's caught early and can be dealt with.

I would maybe look into some health insurance for private treatment if you feel like this is an affordable option for you.

I pray that it works out well for yourself and your mum.

Sarah X 

Hi Alejac,

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. 

I wanted to send a quick response as I have alot of the same feelings as you. My mum has been battling liver and colon cancer for the last two years and a month ago she was diagnosed with brain mets. I also have two young children and  only 6 months ago she was looking after my 1 year old son when i went to work part time (on chemo). She has had tough times but she was generally ok... 

Since the brain tumour she has totally changed, her personality is different, the way she looks is hugely different, she cannot use her left arm which is causing her so much upset.

I have had many occasions that I have broken down over the years but generally I feel numb to it. It also consumes me..I research all the time just to see if I can find something positive. 

I guess what I am trying to say is whilst I have this intense feeling of loneliness we must remember that were not alone and we are only human like our mums. Like someone else said we have to try and carry on, be positive the best we can. 

In all of this I feel my children have helped me get through more than any friends, family or even my husband. They are just so innocent and manic (4 and 18 months) that I do forget sometimes when I'm with them ️

My thoughts and prayers really go to you and your family. 

Rose x

Sarah thank you so much for that I definitely want to look into trying yoga or meditation it's just trying to find the time as I've just moved into a new house which I'm still emptying the previous house which also needed painting before handover my 2,year old just came out of hospital after being in for over a, week with sepsis which was absolutely terrifying and I also have a baby who is extremely attatched to me and breastfeeds I couldn't leave the 3 children with my partner to do anything for myself as such as he wouldn't be able to cope with the kids being unwell we only have very small family so nobody to rely on for babysitting. I've been looking at maybe doing yoga when kids are asleep. I've been referred to Mcmillan for family counselling I'm not sure what they do exactly but my gp think they will be great support for me in regards to being able to manage a normal, life and deal with mums cancer diagnosis. I am waiting for the testing for the gene as my mums oncologist has requested it so hopefully shouldn't be too long until we know its just the whole uncertainty of it all.

Mac sorry to hear about your mum also :(

Such a horrible thing to witness isn't it never mind how it must feel to actually go through it. My son is 20 months so not much older than yours then I have a 10 month old and 7 year old they certainly keep me on my toes and my mind distracted that's for sure!! It's just those moments in the night when I'm alone I realise how much its effecting me today has been especially difficult i feel so so down about it all my mum is all I've had I've never met my real father as he had no interest so it's always been just me and mum until my brother was, born when I was 7. I know I was going to lose her but I never thought I'd lose her before the age of 50 I just want everything to be ok and to not feel so alone. My partner doesn't understand he, keeps saying u can talk to me your not lonely I'm here for you which is lovely and I do talk to him but it just never makes me feel any better I feel like I can't talk to much about it because he gets fed up hearing same thing over and over and he's fed up of my attitude I know he's there for me but I just can't help but feel alone right now I hope you aswell as myself find some comfort and our minds can ease a little bit soon. Sending your mum best wishes. Xxx

Wow that is so tough for you. I dont know what area you are from but I called my local cancer care and they were amazing! They are also referring me tor counselling. Whilst my partner doesn't understand it .I want to try. I want to to try and handle it better than i am (very similar to you). 

 I'm an only child and unfortunately my husband lost his dad 11 years ago to leukaemia. My mother in law is also going through chemo for womb cancer so I dont feel like I can talk to him either. Whilst my parents are divorced my dad has been amazing so i am lucky in that sense. 

Lastly I have started running and going to the gym early in the morning before everyone is up and I am finding that is really helping me mentally. Defo worth a try as the other lovely people on this thread have suggested xxx