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My boyfriend has cancer and acts like a ***

Karen_
Offline

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. He was diagnosed with bowel cancer in March and they told us it had spread to some lymph-nodes and his liver in April. 

2 weeks ago he had his bowel surgery and this went well, but the cancer in his liver doesn't look good. We haven't got much information yet but we both have a bad feeling about it. I have been with him every step of the way and in the beginning this only made us closer.

But since my partners surgery he has been really off with me. It really feels like he is pushing me away while I really do the best I can. His personality changed completely and he has gone really selfish and rude to me. I totally understand that the news he got is very depressing and scary but I think he forgets that it is also very hard for me. I just don't feel like his girlfriend anymore, just someone who takes care of him 24/7. He never kisses me anymore or when I try to make conversation about something he just ignores me. I have tried to talk to him about it but he said he doesn't have the energy for it right now. But when I have offered him to go away for a couple of days to give him space, he doesn't want that either. 

I feel very conflicted as I feel like he is taking everything I do for him for granted but I don't want to leave him either.

How do I make it clear to him that he needs to be nicer to me?

  • Offline in reply to simbc

    Hi,

    It's 3,5 years since I wrote this post, and to be honest I forgot all about it. Funny how your memory works. 
    There's nothing you can say to make it better really, and looking at it now, my advice would be:

    - Connect with people who are in the same boat because only they will understand what you're going through. Really as hard as it is, but your pain/struggle/grief is gonna come second, but do take a moment for yourself to vent to others. 

    - Eventhough your partner is being distant, try keep convo light, they've got bigger things in their mind. 
    - It's the small things that will matter the most, play some music, watch a ton of movies together, do some puzzles or lego. As hard as it is, don't try to force something onto them.

    - Take as many (short) videos and photos of these mundane things as possible (even better when they don't notice it) 


    My partner is not here anymore and eventhough he was definitely a *** at the time, I do know he really loved me and he really appreciated that I was there and cared for him at the hardest time of his life. I miss him everyday. 

  • Offline in reply to Karen_

    Im so sorry for ur loss my love, thank you so much for the tips. May god bless you with so much happiness and goodness and protection.

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