Hi Karen,

What a tough situation for your boyfriend and you to be facing. I can imagine it's particularly hard for you to support him as the relationship was still so new when the news came and you don't have years of communication and understanding to fall back on.

As someone who went through cancer, I know somewhat how your boyfriend is feeling. It is so, so hard to take other people's feeling into account when you're the lowest you've ever been. You desperately need people around you to stop you sinking into depression, but at the same time want to push them away so that they don't have to see you suffer. And then there's the horrible feeling that you're suddenly 'different'. More than anything I hated the thought of people pitying me.

A lot of people don't know how to act with someone who has cancer. Loads of friends disappeared from my life because they didn't know what to say or do, so they just didn't do anything (no judgement, I'd rather have people in my life I know I can count on).

At the moment, your boyfriend is probably being consumed by the thought that he could be facing the worst case scenario with his liver and that will be consuming his every thought. He'll have very little room right now to think about your feeling too - but that doesn't mean he's stopped caring for you altogether.

Carry on being there for him. Let him know that you're there for him when he needs you. But also take some time to care for yourself. If you don't have family or friends to speak to, there are support services for carers. 

While doesn't have the energy to support you too right now, one day he'll look back on this and know that you were there when so many others walked away. That means a HUGE amount. 

This thread might also be helpful to you: www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../boyfriend-has-cancer-pushing-me-away

Thank you for your reply Vicki, it helps me seeing it from a different perspective

I hope it did help a little. I know it doesn't take away the day to day struggle, but hopefully if you can find some time to take of your own wellbeing, things will become easier to manage.

Not getting dragged into the negativity is really important!

It definitely helps. I guess I will never fully understand how he feels. But your messages really gave me a little extra power not to give up.

I’m not from the UK myself, so it’s been extra hard not having my friends and family from back home here with me. But I will start taking more time for myself.

Hi there ..

Yes, his mother is living with us at the moment to help after the surgery so I can go to work. It's very nice to have someone there to help you clean & do the shopping but it can also be quite stressfull some times haha. I hope things will calm down when my boyfriend will become more mobile again.

That's good that someone else is there too so you aren't coping completely on your own. He's bound to be at a really low point at the moment - how many grown men don't want to be able to look after their own basic needs? Give him time, but as Chriss said, it doesn't give him a free pass to take it out on you. 

Hi, Thank you so much for explaining it really help me understand, I'm going to the same situation as this girl is going through right now, I just wanted to know what are some things I can say to help him, to make him feel better and what to do to make him feel better because I really want to help him and be there for him in the best way. 

Hi simbc,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I just wanted to send a reply to advise that this thread is several years old now - you may still receive a reply, but if not then please feel free to create your own new discussion on the forum to hopefully get some replies from other members of the forum.

All the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator