Long post. Sorry. I just wanted to talk to someone and share my feelings..

I am a 25 year old guy from India. My life was turned upside down a couple of weeks ago when my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

It all started in October 2018 when she had her first stroke and twice DVT which later turned out to be pulmonary embolism. She was on blood thinners since then. Because of that she had internal bleeding in her brain which required surgical evacuation. Three days after the surgery she had a heart attack for which an angioplasty was done. Doctors suspected Anti phospholipid syndrome and was being treated for that. You wouldn't imagine how strong my mom is that even after all this she was showing remarkable progress. Trying to talk, walk with support, eat a little bit.

But all our happiness was shattered when in a CT scan we found out there was an ovarian mass and a colon thickening which resembled cancer tumour. Subsequently colonoscopy confirmed that it is Cancer. It has also affected her peritoneum. Multiple opinions from doctors. One of then says these might be two different tumours one from ovary and one in colon which are not related, while others say these are metastatic tumours. A PET scan will tell us exactly. But given her condition it is difficult for her to undergo that. However  agree that given her weak physical condition a surgery is ruled out and chemo is also not an option. Some say she only has months to live while some say we can wait until she becomes fit and then start chemo. But my doubt is what if the cancer starts spreading by then? ( Currently it's a low grade tumour and her liver,lungs,kidney are fortunately clean) Doctors say that's a chance we have to take.

I am so confused and devastated. I am very tight with my mom and just the thought of losing her this early is making me go crazy. I just had one dream to make her happy and see her beautiful smile at my wedding.i feel like I have failed her and its my fault. What if I was pro active and got her some scans done? We could have detected this early. She never showed any symtomsy. My dad is so weak after all the recent ecents. I also have to look after him. I don't know how is going to live without her. It was devastating to see him cry when I broke the news to him.  I am so confused.

Seems like God played a cruel joke on us.