Oh Madison...

Try to not panic ... how do I know???  I'm a nanny with cancer ... my little granddaughter is the one in the pic ... she's my world ...

I had a grade 3 breast cancer and had a masectomy in 2017 ... l was really scared I'd leave her as we are so so close ... and she was only 5 at the time ... yes it's a really scary time, and I can understand why you feel like this, l really do ...

But I'm still here and doing well, and I've had lots of wonderful memories with her since... it was really hard for me to see her before my op , as I'd hold her so tight and never let her go, so I stayed away for a while ... so just maybe your nan is scared of seeing you so upset ... and she just needs time to get her head around it herself ...

It's normal to feel like you are right now ... but try to take one day at a time ... and I'm sure when your nan sees you calmer (even if you don't feel calm inside) she'll feel a little better ... your nan will need you to hold her hand and be brave ... being brave is really being scared stiff, but being that granddaughter that holds on and lives in the day , my hunny ... you can do this ... 

You can always come on here to chat when things get too hard ... there's lots of us breast lasses on here..   and lots of us are kicking cancers bum ... things have come a long way .. it's not easy ... it's gonna be really hard at times .... but you and nan hold on together .. and know your nan must love you very much ... so try not to overwhelm her ... and you'll get there, one step at a time ...

Sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie

Always here most days if you want a chat, or ask anything ... Chrissie x

Thank you so much for your response...it’s good to talk to and understand what it’s like from your experience.

i read your comment on the way to school and it just made me feel 100% more better than I felt in the morning (I was worried about my nan) .

i hope your ok and hope your granddaughter is ok too ...thank you for your support Chrissie ...I will messege you if I have any questions x

Hey Madison, 

I know when we get news like this, its diffcult not to panic and throw ourselves into a state of total stress but there is every chance that she will fight this and she will be just fine. My grandma got diagnosed with cancer at 70, it was ovarian not breast but she stuck it out and she beat it for 12 years! 

I know just how your feeling, I used to worry about my grandma no end, we were close and I couldnt handle the thought of losing her but I knew that the best thing I do is be there for her, she used to beam when she saw me. I know its hard not to be upset when we see them or think of them, and we do have to be strong and that is really hard. Like Chrissie says the way your feeling and acting now is totally normal, Ive gotta say I was the same with my family and I used to get panic attacks when I couldnt get hold of them and would have to see them right then to know they were ok. I honestly cant remember how I dealt with it, I just rolled with it until she started treatment and we got more information on what was happening, all I can suggest is while you are there for nan make sure you do things for yourself too if you can, things you can try and enjoy, to distract your mind, I tend to play games. 

I promise you, you are not alone, I for one know how you feel and so many others have been through exactly the same, cancer is never easy especially for those around us, who can only worry. Theres nothing harder than trying to act strong when underneath we are breaking, its not a nice feeling but sometimes necessary for those around us. Your nan will feel so much better with you around her but look after yourself too, if you ever get overwhelmed just take yourself out for a while if you can, have a chat with us, we are always here to help you and offer any support we can. This journey is a hard one but its beatable, you will be ok. You are strong and most definetly not alone. Remember they're so many that beat it! If you ever need a chat or any questions about anything. 

Sending you a big hug, 

Bex x