Hi everyone, my first time posting here. I am sorry if I ramble on. I dont know what I'm asking or if I am just venting. Sorry to be a bit of a downer.

So my mum has been diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer which has spread to liver, lungs and stomach. The doctors say there is no hope for operating and that there is a low life expectancy.

She seems to have deteriorated so fast and is in so much pain and sickness I feel utterly helpless. She starts her first chemotherapy on the 13th and is very scared as she is already very weak.

This all came as such a shock. She was a healthy, slim working 59 year old planning a 60th birthday party always in the countryside with the dog and overnight to a tiny sickly old lady who can barely stand.

I have a child of 7 with special needs and have brought him up on my own with my mum's support. She is my support system and my best friend and of course my very precious mum. I am 28 and never felt so heavy with responsibility and sadness. My heart feels like it has been torn. I am trying my best to look after her and my son and now I have developed a heavy cold from being run down which means I cannot be around her for risk of infection which will stop the chemo happening! And I cannot be with her to help her at home either. 

I just don't know what to do. And there is no light at the end of the tunnel just deterioration and hard conversations.

How do you cope? How do you stay healthy in yourself so you can be there to support them. I feel utterly useless.

Charlotte xx