My Dad has advanced prostate cancer, metastatized to bone

Hello, 

I've come here because I'm not sure where else to go. I've just found out in the past week that my Dad has prostate cancer, which has metasised to his pubic bone. His PSA levels were extrremely high, 164, and his Gleason score is 10. He's 72, but you wouldn't think it. He is so fit and healthy and he only went to the doctors in the first place because he had a pain in his leg, which we now know is because it spread to his bone. I am an only child, I'm 26, I live near my parents and have been staying over since we find out. 

My Dad is mostly postive, he has started his hormone therapy and in July he will have 6 rounds of chemo. They can manage but they can't cure. They said it's really agressive cancer, but they can keep him going, but for how long? I can't bear to watch my Dad go through this pain, he's the kindest, sweetest most generous man. And my Mum, my Dad is my mums world, she just keeps asking me "how are we going to cope" - she's imagining herself all alone in this home they built together, and to be honest, so am I. I am trying to be strong and resume normality but this has changed everything. I thought my Dad would live to see me get married, go far in my career. I want him to be there, to watch me grow. I don't want him to leave Mum all alone. I don't have any siblings to share this with - my friends are supportive and my boyfriend too but, I just feel so hopeless. Would be reassured to hear of anyone else in the same boat.

Thank you

Parents
  • 23/5/20. My dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer which has spread

    to his spine pelvis ribs knees etc. PSA into the 1000's. He is starting to deteriorate. He's had blood

    transfusions. Hormone therapy. Zoledronic acid

    infusion.  Looking for any support advice anyone can give.  Watching him in the Pain he is in.  Is heartbreaking.  Oncologists. Have been shocking. Along with their team. Any advice greatly appreciated x 

  • My Dad was diagnosed in April 2020 during a covid lockdown hospital admission due to neurological falls , where he was told on his own aged 79 that he had prostate to bone cancer - exstensive. Less than 12 months prior a urologist told him no cancer. 
    he was put on hormone therapy which I think sent him crazy , now on research I think it irritated the bone mets (degarilix) . 
    he rollercoasted into terminal agitation with only district nurses being our stalwart (covid). And passed away in July leaving me in a state of blame. 
    no health professionals, no support , nobody but the amazing nurses would come out. Covid hastened the passing of my dad (he never had that but no medical support because of covid) and has put the weight of his death on me . I asked for the meds. 
    prostate cancer is a silent killer. Dads psa levels where always low. 

  • Hi Jube, 

     

    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope you are coping ok? It must be very hard for you. It sounds like you went through a terrible time. My dad has just been diagnosed 2 months ago, he is a very ill. The consultant thinks it has spread dye to his symptoms and blood tests. Testing on the NHS is very slow, its been 9 weeks and still no biopsy. He is getting much sicker waiting around with no treatment. I feel your frustration with COVID, my dad should have gone to hospital in March, but held off due to COVID now he is a very bad way and now due to COVID wait times are long.

     

    Best wishes 

     

  • Oh I know the feeling. 2 years after losing dad I still say sorry to him every night.  He went to GP in pain and not eating and they sent him home with indigestion tablets for a week. I found out and dashed up to see him, got more doctors appts, went on 3 week wait list for ultrasound scan, but he collapsed well before then and I had to call 999.  I then find out a year previous he was discharged from hospital by consultant after diagnosis, to GPs care with hormone therapy only,  no other help, no care, no nurses. This was all pre Covid.  I find it hard to cope with feeling I let him down,  because I didn't realise how bad the system can be here.  It pains me every night.

     

  • I hope your dad gets the treatment he needs quickly. Covid has caused so much effect on people like our dads where support is weak or non existent.

    ive been off work since loosing dad I thought I was going mad but after seeing (phone)an occupational therapist (work stages when off) she was clear that what we had been through was very traumatic, the hospital admissions under covid as we couldn't go , half information being passed, nobody listening when I rang in and missing relevant facts, he came back worse every time to the point I said he wasn't going back (which I have to live with) 

    dad did not get prognosis they said age and other health conditions, only the degarilix , I rang his hospital prostate keyworker asking if it can cause confusion she packed me off to check for infection (it wasn't) now when you read mets on back can cause severe pain following treatment I think it sent him crazy. 
    I have a lot of haunting thoughts I have to learn to deal with around the decisions I had to make. But I'm also getting clarity that nhs was not good it was the time covid first occurred and nothing else mattered.

    4 months Saturday. Deeply disturbed

    Thoughts and hopes your dad is better cared for xx

Reply
  • I hope your dad gets the treatment he needs quickly. Covid has caused so much effect on people like our dads where support is weak or non existent.

    ive been off work since loosing dad I thought I was going mad but after seeing (phone)an occupational therapist (work stages when off) she was clear that what we had been through was very traumatic, the hospital admissions under covid as we couldn't go , half information being passed, nobody listening when I rang in and missing relevant facts, he came back worse every time to the point I said he wasn't going back (which I have to live with) 

    dad did not get prognosis they said age and other health conditions, only the degarilix , I rang his hospital prostate keyworker asking if it can cause confusion she packed me off to check for infection (it wasn't) now when you read mets on back can cause severe pain following treatment I think it sent him crazy. 
    I have a lot of haunting thoughts I have to learn to deal with around the decisions I had to make. But I'm also getting clarity that nhs was not good it was the time covid first occurred and nothing else mattered.

    4 months Saturday. Deeply disturbed

    Thoughts and hopes your dad is better cared for xx

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