Hi,

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through, I once tried just saying even if ots over the phone how you feel, how you love them and need them in your life sometimes that heart to heart conversation is worth trying when all else fails. It won't be easy it's okay to be anxious and angry at the world for letting cancer get hold of a good person, cry let it out either with a friend or partner.

Thanks for support Hun , I never thought I would ever go through something like this , but I guess people going through this say the same , I don’t have a partner or siblings only my 2 children who are 11 and 15 , my mams partner of nearly 9 years left her when he found out she had cancer , but I had been telling her for years to get rid of him cause he was not a very nice person at all , but he eventually finished her over the phone !! Didn’t even bother coming to see her to tell her to her face and the following day he post on Facebook looking for another girlfriend which my mam saw ! My mam is my world and I hate seeing her so poorly . 

Hello Lyturn 78, my dad too stopped eating. I started to buy Ensure (with the highest protein level and most calories) and Blue Bell vanilla ice cream, and I'd mix the two together. Dad would drink the shakes because they tasted more like a dessert to him. At least this way, your mom will still get some nutrients and vitamins. It was only a temporary fix for my dad as eventually he stopped drinking too and became severely dehydrated then we opted for a permanent feeding tube. He passed away about a month and a half later. Please keep in mind that no one actually KNOWS how your mom feels other than her. If and when she is ready to stop fighting, you and the rest of your family need to be fully supportive otherwise she will not leave this earth in peace. In any event, stage 2 is still considered pretty early and there is still hope of extending her life but no cure. 

Thanks for the reply , this Forum really help me , steroids really helped mam in the beginning and she had more good days than bad but no she has no good days , they won’t put her back on steroids as she is in antibiotics , but she keeps been sick , they are delaying the chemo until she is a bit better , but I’m worried that the cancer is going to spread 

I’m so sorry Hun , why is life so cruel why do it happen to the good people and not the bad ! , I think mam will have to move in with me eventually , I’ve spoke to Mam this morning as my daughter has been with her all night , she is proper fussing around mam , which I think she like lol , she has had toast and keeping that down , she seems like she is having a better day today , we are going to get her in the bath later on and hope that will make her feel a bit better 

I say this from the heart... considering no chemo as it can take a toll on her for the worst. At stage 4 lung cancer, my family and I opted for palliative care for dad (which can still include minimal treatment such as minor radiation in effort to shrink tumor(s) and keep your loved one comfortable). We opted for quality over quantity. In other words, we rather dad have a decent few months as opposed to a miserable year. Please consider the risks, and that symptoms may worsen. Also, please let mam be the ultimate decision maker and assure her that you and your family will be fully supportive. 

It is an absolute great idea to have mam move in! Unfortunately with any cancer, a person can deteriorate quickly so it's always good to be prepared. With that being said, please be sure to have a Power of Attorney in place whether it be you, your daughter, or anyone else who you trust will make the best decisions on her behalf, and discuss her end of life wishes. I know it's not a pleasant conversation but rather a necessary one. I'm glad to hear that she is still eating and keeping it down. Take numerous pictures and videos of her as you will cherish forever. As for a bath, if it's too much for her to get in and out, give her a "bird bath" in bed! Use a soft rag and warm water, and wipe her down. There's a leave-in shampoo and conditioner for hair so that you don't have to rinse out. Just keep her as comfortable as possible and relaxed. Please don't hesitate to ask any questions. Definitely pray.

Just an update ... mam got out of hospital last Saturday was out a couple of days but just seemed to get worse , while she was in hospital she didn’t go for a poo and ended up been constipated for 11 days which caused a blockage where she had to have 2 enemas , she felt better , then from bad to worse , low blood pressure , not eating or drinking so she was dehydrated, the doctor came out and rushed her straight to hospital , she was due to have chemo next Friday , but again it will be out back I don’t think she will ever be well enough for chemo again , she is not eating or drinking so they have put her in a drip , she keeeps coughing up this mucus , I think she has copd as well but they have yet to test her , she has lost about 8lbs in weight in the last 2 weeks now at 10stone , they don’t know what’s wrong with her , when she went into hospital she was in about 15 mins and her face started to swell up really quickly they gave her antihistamines but didn’t seem to work , she only had a small sip of water , they put her antiobiotics where she developed red lines all over her legs so they have changed the antiobiotics , they reckon she has cause another bug but don’t know what , so it just trial and error to get her better , but she seems to be getting worse , her hair is also falling out in strans , but the chemo she had was not the one that she looses her hair with , tbh the hospital seem useless and not bothered , some nurses are nice and try and help but others ones don’t seem to car but I guess you get that in every hospital .

I'm so sorry to hear about mum's decline. Unfortunately with any late stage cancer, it's expected which is why I mentioned to make sure you have her legalities in order (such as living and medical will as well as power of attorney) which you can sign right there in the hospital. It does not sound like your mum will be a good candidate for chemotherapy BUT don't allow her to suffer more with such an aggressive treatment. When we stop eating and drinking, those are just common symptoms of end of life. You have to do everything in your power to ensure mum is as comfortable as possible to the end.  As for thr mucus that she is coughing up, we had a suctioner in the hospital (AND at home provided by hospice) to help remove excess fluids otherwise mum could pass from asphyxiation (God forbid). You can demand it from the doctor. You can also request a scopolamine patch to place behind her ear which helps to reduce fluids (other meds are optional and available to reduce fluids) however you must be careful not to dehydrate her. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Pray for strength and peace. God bless you, mum and the rest of your family. We are here for you.