Hello, this is totally new for me but I feel I have no one to talk to without becoming distraught. I have been the luckiest to have the most amazing Mother and Father a girl could want.

In November 2017 we lost my amazing Dad to Cancer.  In the year run up to this my Mum was becoming very unwell, my Dad had altzheimers too and initally my Mum put this down to stress.  In the January of the same year my Dad was told his Cancer had returned after 4 years 10 months Cancer free.  He would have to have a major operation and intesive chemo all of which we were advised would advance his altzheimers (he did not cope well with visits to the hospital and became very distressed).  The decision was made not to treat the Cancer. 

As Mum became more and more unwell I moved back in with them with my two children aged 6 and 4.  4 weeks before my Fathers passing, my Mum was rushed into hospital and we discovered she had Cancer and had to be operated on immediately.  I cared for Dad at home and he passed away 2 weeks after she got out of hospital.

She pulled through the operation, smashed through 6 months of chemo and another major op.  All of which I have been there for, I have two brothers but for their own reasons do not have much to do with things. Her consultants have all been amazed and full of praise for her and her recovery.  However last week we received the most devestating news. Everything has returned and spread, there is nothing that can be done for her and we are going to start pallative care. I am just devastated. I don't know what to do. I want to give my Mum the same care and love that I gave to Dad but am worried that I either don't have it in me and that I did the best job with Dad (was he pain free?) at the end. I also can not bear to be without my Mum.  Any advice would be really appreciated.