Hi there,

I'm so sorry you're going through this it's a horrible time and I can really empathise here. Before my dad got diagnosed in January we were just a family getting on with life. Since then our world has been turned upside down. We live and breathe Cancer. It's taken over our whole lives and although it's my dad who has it, the impact on all of us has been awful. 

I'm really upset by my mums reaction to it. I'm really sad and devastated for my dad but he's doing really well. I'm so proud of him. My mum just can't cope. I feel guilty talking about it too but we are allowed to be honest about how we feel. It's not easy and it affects everyone so badly. My dad told me yesterday that he thinks he should end it himself because mum can't cope and it's not fair on her. I told him that ok mum can't cope BUT I can! And I will. 

My mum has issues anyway and as a result she's never treated me too well. I always thought she just didn't want me (she was 18 and I felt like I'd ruined her life at a young age when she should have been having fun and living her life). Recently we've discovered that she's slightly autistic. (No official diagnosis but that's what we think). It explains a lot of her behaviour but I still don't know how much is her mental health and how much is that sadly she's just not a very nice person. I just don't know. 

With my dad she's started being to him like she is/was to me. She absolutely adores him though but she's not acting like it right now. Shes snappy, sarcastic, she's over reacting and taking everything to heart. She's winding him up it seems like on purpose sometimes (for eg taking ages to give him his oxygen when she could do it in ten seconds). She's always been a bit lazy but I always put it down to her mental health which it might be. But I'm cleaning the kitchen every day, doing all the shopping, picking up prescriptions, doing all the washing, I've sat with dad the last couple of nights because she couldn't cope. (She makes his anxiety ten times worse). I really wish she didn't have a horrible attitude and I wish she would understand the impact of her behaviour but she won't. She's been telling dad that the only thing she values in her life (him) is going and she can't cope. That hurt me. I knew anyway but to hear the words and that she's actually saying it is hard to take. I'd done absolutely everything for them, I'd been awake all night with dad, my son has norovirus so I took him a bunch of shopping, my daughter is going to uni so we've been preparing for that, my little girls have had a few sleepless nights because they haven't been feeling 100% but I've still coped fine. Then yesterday my mum snapped at me in front of everyone that I really annoy her by using my phone in the house, (I'm always reading). Everyone was livid at her, especially dad. I just ignored her and she apologised about 25 times but yes, It's her reaction that is most difficult to cope with. 

In your sisters case this is a huge huge huge shock and nothing can prepare you for it. It's like being given a death sentence (although you say she has hope as it hasn't spread which is really positive). It's such a big thing for her to cope with its not surprising she's struggling to process it and it does take time to come to terms with. I wonder if it's worth chatting to her and being honest about how you feel. You don't have to hide your feelings. This affects all of you and she will realise that. It might even be worth being you ringing Macmillan and asking for a little bit of counselling (for you and your sister), it would just be a chance to talk things through and support to cope better. I really do feel for you with this. I had no experience of cancer three months ago but now it's all we think about. I'm so sorry. Xxxxx