Hi there ...

Bless ya, you've lived through mum's first battle and just when you think it's gone and she got to 5 years, it's back .. no wonder your needing a hand to hold right now ...

Now men can find talking scary .. l think it's when men are raised to try to put things right or know a solution.. some men find it overwhelms there when they feel helpless in this situation .. and he's probly holding lots of emotions in right now .. unfortunately that helps no one .. but understanding why, will help you ..

I lost my mum when my boys were 7 and 16 ... and she was always with them ... but I tried to be gently honest with them esp my baby ... and I found children are better at coping then us .. they crush their hearts out, then move on to something else .. were adults feel it 24/7 ... 

When I got cancer we were gently honest with my then 5 year old granddaughter in pic .. we told her nanny was very ill and the Drs were gonna try to make me better .. but I told her , when she asked one day .. are you going to die nanny ... I'd always told her my mum was that bright star up in the sky .. so I said if I did, then I'd be the little star next to it ... she was o.k with that .. I told her that way I could always look down every night to say hi to her ..

Kids need to be kept in the loop .. not too much info .. just enough so they don't feel scared and don't know what's going on .. they pick things up .. and if they see you cry, they will know it's o.k to cry.. together .. it's a good thing .. then you will walk hand in hand with your mum, and your children .. just tell your bro your there if he wants to talk .. then let him do what he has to do ... 

Big hug to you all ... Chrissie

Always here if you want a chat .. don't hold it in ... your not alone ...x

Hi Chrissie , Thank you for your reply I’d written a post before but wasn’t confident enough to post it lol Both my children know Nanny has cancer the eldest more in depth as he is not far off 17 , it’s my daughter I worry about the most she’s at a fragile age raging hormones . What a lovely group and amazingly felt quite nice to write how I felt down ! 

Lots of love to you I hope you are keeping well xxx

Hello dear,

Oh god, news like that can only come as shocking to you... I'm so sorry you are going through something like that. I know is hard because my boyfriend is going through something similar (stage 4 colon cancer spread to liver and lungs). 
It's very natural that you have a hard time in coping with this. It's a lot... What can I say (is what everyone says to me): spend as much time as you can with your mum and support her as you can. I know your kids are young but as teenagers they are already gaining some independence, so I think you can visit your mum when you can... it's very important that all the family care for each other.
I also understand the feeling of loneliness. You might feel that no one understands or that you cannot talk with anyone. But even if people around you haven't gone through something like that, everyone feels helpless sometimes, and I'm sure if you talk with someone, people will connect with you somehow. 
I'm sorry about your brother, but people have different ways to cope... I agree with [@Chriss]‍ I think women are more likely to speak about problems than men...
In any case, you can talk here in the forum, or even send me a message if you need.

We are here to support each other.

Take care****

Hello , I’m sorry to hear about your boyfriend it’s so hard  watching your loved ones deteriorate in front of you with absolutely no control ! Thank you for reaching out to me , it really has made a difference to me this morning 

lots of love xxx

Hello there - Reading your post is like reading about my exact situation. This time last year my mother was diagnosed with cancer in both breasts, lung, liver and bones. She had 3 operations, 2 to insert rods into her leg to reinforce it and also a full hip replacement - this was after being cancer free for 5 years. 

She came out of hospital last April after being in for 7 weeks and embarked on numerous radiotherapy treatments and weekly chemotherapy which stopped last November. She now has 3 weekly Herceptin injections and her last 2 scans showed that everything was ‘satisfactory’ And no further chemo needed. However since Christmas she has been getting more and more confused and quite aggressive to my Dad who looks after her, they are both 72. 

After Dad hit breaking point on Saturday morning I took her to the out of hours GP, they kept her in hospital and after scans, the cancer has progressed to the brain and is extensive. She started steroids on Sunday but there has been no improvement, in fact everything is 100% worse. She is so aggressive to my Dad and I, so confused, incontinent etc. Her whole personality has changed abd in the space of 4 days my mother seems to have gone forever. We have an appointment with the oncologist tomorrow but this in unbearable - I know she would be devastated if she knew this was he things were going to end for her. Steroids are stopping today and palliative care have been to assess her. She is so confused, agitated, distressed, yet she won’t let my dad abd I stay with her at hospital as she thinks we are ganging up on her and making her fedl like she’s going mad. 

I too have 2 children, 11 and 15 - they along with my husband are a godsend - I’m scared of what’s to come for my mother and I worry so much about my Dad, we feel so helpless and until her oncologist gets involved tomorrow she’s not getting any treatment and I’m scared she’ll be so distressed she could end up with strokes/seizures. Everything has happened so quickly, I was there for tea last week and yes she was a bit confused, but now she’s off the scale. 

I hope our appointment tomorrow brings us some answe about what to expect. There is no way she’ll be able to come home as my dad would never cope and because she’s so aggressive to him, she’s threatened all sorts. I know this isn’t her but it’s so difficult to witness. Sorry for the long post but just needed to get it all out. 

Thanks 

Hi , Don’t be sorry for your long post it’s helpful to know we are not alone . I’m so sorry to hear about your poor mum it is heartbreaking  . I think when everything happens so fast it’s hard to take in , hope the appointment goes well tomorrow and you get the answers we wait so long for !  Here if you want a chat anytime Xx