Hey Hun,

Like you, I'm 22 and my Mum has an aggressive form of breast cancer. My Dad never being around means me and my mum, as her only child, are more like sisters and best friends, so I know what it's like to be so close to your mum, and then have the devastating news that they have this awful condition. 

My Mum and I spoke about her cancer when she was first diagnosed, but mainly the conversation just consisted of her saying she was going to fight this for me, and she would be strong. She doesnt think about it or speak about it because she doesnt want to be the woman with cancer, and who let's it control her, she just wants to be the amazing, kind woman my mum is. Your Mum may feel the same, or it may be something she just doesnt want to think about, and that's why she doesnt talk about it. You're close with her, so just ask her how she's doing after the diagnosis. Things in the past that have happened, have happened, they cant be changed no matter what we do or think, and even if the things were bad, your mum isn't going to be thinking of that right now, nor should you, she knows you love her and are there for her, and how close you are now, she probably doesnt ever think of when you were being that way when you were younger, so try not to add that to your already massive amount of worry. I know it's hard, but you dont need another thing eating at you right now hun. Also, I found everything a little more easier when we knew what treatment she was going to have, and what the plan was for her. I think when you know what is being done about it, you can think ahead to the treatments etc and think of getting through that. 

Message me, if you want to actually vent and say how you feel. I know how it can be hard a lot of the time to speak to the people we know and love as we fear they will become upset or we dont want to say the wrong thing, so I'll be here to listen whenever you want. Lots of love to you and your mum, 

Alexia xxx

Thank you so much for replying, 

she saw the doctor yesterday and they have found a secondary cancer which they think is from her breast so will be having more tests aswell as chemotherapy and radiotherapy.. 

im just worried every time I see or speak to her because I’m scared  I’m going to say the wrong thing or she is going to see me upset. Iv never had to deal with anything like this so I am struggling especially because it is my mum but your reply has helped thank you 

x

Hi there ..

So sorry your going through this heartbraking time ... but I just wanted to say your not alone... many of us have given our parent hassle when we were younger ... it's part of growing up ... I was a rebellious teen .. but then a couple of years on, realised how wonderful mum's are ... and oh my we sure made up for it .. and we couldn't have been closer .. yes I still feel sad looking back to my youth, but without that l would have never aprieciated her like I did ... 

Now I have two grown lads ... one who fell out with me and had tough time growing up ... but nothing he could ever do, would make me love him less ... he will always be my baby ... like you are to your mum .. so don't look back ... everyone has a few regrets. . Everyone has things they wish they could go back and change .. but we can't.. so it's what you do now ... that will mean more then you ever know ... just being there and holding her hand through her journey ... so be kind to your heart ...

And I'm a breast cancer lady too .. so know how she feels ... don't hold feelings in .. I've shared tears, hugs, and believe it or not a few laughs too .. feelings hurt more when held in ... sometimes you don't need words to make things better ... so let her lead the way ... and tell her it's o.k for you both to feel scared ... sending you both a big vertual hug ... Chrissie x

Chrissie xx

This is gonna be a tough, long journey, and you will feel mixed feelings through it. You have to be patient and strong. You might try to speak with her if that comforts you, but if she doesn't want to talk, I guess you cannot push it... The best you can do, (even if it feels little) is to be there for her.
You could have a conversation about your youth years, maybe apologizing would ease your struggles. :| But in fact, the past is in the past, and I'm sure you will support her well now.
You are very young, and it's a terrible situation you find yourself in, but hopefully, the cancer is still in the beginning, and your mum may recover from this... We don't know and It's desperate but we have to wait to know more...
You should of course talk with someone, a relative, a friend, a counsellor or even here in the forum, because it's very difficult to go through this, and you shouldn't feel alone or bottling it up...
You have to take some time to care for yourself and to care for your mum. Take some time to do stuff you enjoy, distract yourself, so you're not thinking about the cancer 24h/7. Try to take each day at a time, and even have some normal time - the fact that your mum has cancer doesn't mean she cannot have a normal life. Spend time with her and your family. 
And with luck you all will get through this.

Take care**