Hi there, I m sorry to hear about your Mum and her diagnosis, has she been told its terminal as usually until the biopsy is taken and all information gathered being told its terminal is a bit scary.  Why not go with her for the biopsy results, if you can and gather more understanding of her diagnosis, plus you can ask questions.  I've just looked up statistics for gall bladder cancer and five years is mentioned and even longer.  My husband was given an incurable diagnosis two years ago and is doing well, however he's got stage 4 lung cancer.  It's very upsetting being in your situation and it's not an easy path to watch a loved one take.  I can only tell you to not look ahead, everyone on this forum going through this cancer life will tell you take it one day at a time.  You are right, writing it down clears your mind so keep posting and someone will always be here for you.  Warm regards to you from us on this forum. Carol x

Hi Carol,

Thank you so much for your reply and I am so sorry to hear about your husband. This is just an evil disease and so unfair.

I will definitely be going with her for the biopsy and all other appointments if possible. I guess we will know more then, and also she has some decisions to make like whether to have the chemotherapy, etc.

I am trying to take it one day at a time and not look ahead, but it is easier said than done. To be honest I think I am still in a state of shock as it’s only been a day or so, but I just feel So emotional. I am a man who is fairly comfortable with showing my emotions, but at the moment a piece of music on a TV advert is enough to set me off. I just want to be strong for her but don’t know how. I hope I am stronger than I think I am.

Iam in the same boat and would love to answer your questions. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in November, then found out its spread to her bones. She has been on letrozole for 2 months now and in 3 weeks time she will be taking ibrance which slows it down in the bones 

Has your mum had any kind of treatment? That will help her in the long run.

You can't help your emotions. I break down all the time just not in front of my mum as I need to be strong.

If you need a chat iam here xx

Lisa

Hi Tf19

I'm really so sorry for you current situation. It really is just the hardest thing anyone can go through. I will never forget the moment I heard "nothing they can do" about my dear Dad who I've recently lost to Bowel Cancer. 

I'm not going to lie to you every day is a living nightmare but my situation was very shocking and rapid. I'm still not sure how I've done it. 

Every single day I got to my Dads i thought to myself right on stage I get ..it was the only way I could be strong for my Dad..I just felt he needed me to be smiling and "happy" around him to brighten his/our darkest days, and i cried into a t towel when he wasnt looking, and in the car and at my home. There is no wrong or right way to cope really. You just do, You don't know what strong is until being strong is the only option flipping option you have to keep standing.

Somehow YOU will keep going, you just do because that's how much you love your Mum, she's always cared for you and now you will care for her. Just some how you do it day in day out because there's no other option. 

We made the best we could with the 7 weeks we had, we ticked things of his list, we played games, listened to music..we made the best we could with the shittest of situations. 

I'm hoping you have much more time than me, thinking of you. People here get this hell hole. My best wishes sent your way. 

Rosie xxx

You will find the strength because Mum needs you and trust me going under gets you nowhere.  I have written a daily blog on living with cancer and I called it Stay Strong from the beginning as I knew I would have to be.  During this time many of my fellow posters on my page have kept their cancer relatives going strong, you will find that same strength deep down.  So go with Mum, listen carefully and if chemo is offered don't just turn it down.  Let me know how it goes.  Carol

Hi. I'm so sorry you are faced with such a sad diagnosis. As you said, all you can do is take it one day at a time. We never have any idea for sure how long someone has, or what the future will hold. Everything can change in one single second.

Right now your mum is calm. This is good. You guys still have some time left together. Hold on to this tight. One day you will look back on these days and will always try to remember everything. I would suggest keeping a diary. 

I lost my mum last May. She was diagnosed in Februrary with non curable lung cancer that had spread to her breast and her leg. They couldn't do anything for her. We thought we had a lot more time together and we never spoke about the future. We enjoyed our visits with each other, and I always did my best to try and cheer her up. We convinced her to take some anti anxiety medication, because she was starting to get pretty down and worried about things. It helped. 

Don't forget to look after yourself. I know the emotions are really overwhelming, but your well being is super important too. Please try to find time to do nice things for yourself. I know it might make you feel like you are being selfish and you don't deserve it...but trust me, you need it. Think of it like recharging your battery. When you are feeling as well as you can, you'll be able to be as present as possible with your dear sweet mother so that you can enjoy each others company. Try to follow your mums lead, if she's calm, try to stay calm with her. If she looks like she has things she needs to say, be sure to listen.

But try not to think too much about the future. Most of the time when I was visiting my mum in the hospital, she seemed fine. She never complained about any pain. Most of our visits were like any other visits, really. I guess because no one had told us how much time she had left, we were both optimistic and sort of just thought a few years maybe. 

All the best, Sarah.

I could have written your post! I completely relate to everything you’re feeling, it’s absolutely horrendous isn’t it.

My mum has just been diagnosed with pancreatic Cancer which seems to have gone into her liver. She’s in a total state of shock and I am a total mess. I feel so sick and there’s no relief. 

Im so scared of what’s coming, and what she has to face and go through. How can this happen to my beautiful gentle mum? 

Im sorry that you’re going through this, but know you’re not alone. I hope you find a way to cope and that you and your mum find comfort and hopefully find some positivity in what feels like a bleak situation x 

Hi Lisa,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It really is so tough to deal with.

She hasn’t had any treatment yet. I’m hoping that things will move forward this week and we will find out more about what’s going to happen next. I’ve dealt with my emotions a bit better today. It is a different scenario when I’m on my own though.

Hi Carol,

I’m feeling a little stronger than I did a few days ago. I guess it’s the only way, but I know it’s going to be a long road. I will do everything I can for her and try to treasure every moment. Do you mean an online blog? That sounds really interesting and something I would like to hear more about.