Hi y'all.
As I posted before I'm in this forum because my boyfriend has 4 stage colon cancer with liver mets. He did several months of chemo which shrank the colon tumour but not the liver metastases. Doctors said it was incurable. He then did radioembolization, a therapy that targets the liver Mets, to make him live with the disease, and perhaps have some quality of life as it has fewer effects than chemo.
Lately, however, he has getting worse, last week he was admitted to the hospital because he had diarrhoea with blood presumably because his tumour got bigger again, blocking the intestines, and some food scratched causing the bleeding. He was really bad and was afraid of eating, with fear of a similar episode, only drinking tea with sugar. I had to be so strong for him this weekend, but when I'm alone I cry and I feel miserable. He also has been suffering from back pain. We thought the back pain was due to 2 hernias he has, but apparently, he has lost muscular mass, which makes the nerves closer to the bones, hence the pain.
Yesterday he went to the oncologist and they found he had already metastases in the lungs... His mum fainted... She's fine now, but I guess it was all too much for her. He probably will do some more chemo... His exams and treatments are in another city, so he is going to miss my birthday that is on Friday, and he already missed it last year...
I don't know what to say, My heart is break and I feel super alone. I hate my life and the pain never goes away... My boyfriend now spends all the time in bed, what kinda of life is that? He is not having the quality of life it was "promised" (though I know doctors cannot make promises)... I don't know what I'm feeling, I just wish I could be sleeping all day or have friends and family hugging me, but everybody is far away, and they have their own lives and I cannot cry with anyone, I see the other couples healthy, happy, moving together and so on, and I cannot do that, I cannot think about the future with my boyfriend, we don't have a future because he's going to die...