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Both parents diagnosed with cancer

Kay13
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Hi,

I am 21 years old and in my last year of uni. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 non - Hodgkin’s lymphoma last year and this year my mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer. 

I’ve been there every step of the way but I’m not sure exactly how  I’m dealing with it. I just seem to be getting on with it almost. I have a much younger brother who I’m trying to be there for but I do worry about him as well.  I can’t talk to my friends they don’t understand and understandably don’t know what to say. Plus I have lost contact with many due to me focusing on my studies and family. Also just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. I feel very isolated. 

My mum is having a mastectomy, I am hopeful that this works. 

I guess I am just posting here to see if anyone else is going though the same thing. Maybe I’m not totally alone in this. 

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    Just wanted to reply and offer you some support. I lost my dad to prostate cancer a couple of years ago, and though I’m a decade older than you, I know that feeling of just getting through it and not quite knowing how.

     

    For what it’s worth, your parents are both likely to be with you for a good while yet. Breast cancer has a high cure rate, and even when it’s advanced it can often be maintained as a ‘chronic’ condition, for years. NHL is a cancer which can often offer many years of no or slow growth, only needing active treatment after some years. My partner’s mother has NHL, and seems to have been progression free for at least 7 years now.

     

    Please make sure that you’re getting the support that you need. Of course you want to be there for your younger brother, but who is there for you? Do you have aunts and uncles who can help out? Make sure you inform your university of what’s going on, as they may be able to give you academic extensions and will probably have a student counselling service. Consider reaching out to your friends, even if it’s just for a quiet evening with food and chatting.

     

    Look after yourself; you sound like a very tough young woman.

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    Last year my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am 18 now and currently in my first year of uni. During my A Levels I found her diagnosis incredibly difficult to deal with, even if the feelings didn't all come out at the time! My mum is okay now. 

     

    Even in the hardest of times, we found it so important to remain positive. There were so many times where this was extremely difficult, but staying hopeful really got us through it. With that being said, I wish I had looked into therapy or some sort of professional support system, as caring for someone with cancer, especially whilst going through exams, can be very stressful even if you don't immediately realize it. Maybe see if your uni offers any counselling services. Even if you don't want to talk about the cancer, just venting might help.

     

    Know that you're definitely not alone in this. Take care. I send you and your parents my best wishes. 

     

     

  • Offline in reply to april04

    Damn, [@Kay13]‍ , I'm so sorry for your parents! Having to deal with two diagnoses at the same time must be so hard! :/
    In my case I have a good case: my mum had hodgkin's linfoma and beat it, she's cured for years now! and a not so good one right now: my boyfriend will probably die with colon cancer...

    I can relate a lot with you... I have 25 years old, you're younger, but we have a similar age... We were forced to grow up and I feel too some isolation... I don't feel I can quite talk with people, they don't understand, or they don't have much initiative to ask if I'm ok... But we have to continue to talk, because isolation is worse. So if you need something, like a friend, feel free to message me (I also could use one). 

    However as cliché, as this may sound, you do have to remain positive and look for the best oucome... Your parents still have a chance. But at the same time, you have to be reallistic and try to understand the information doctors give to you. It's important that you spend a good time with your parents and take each day as it comes.

    I think that we are not completely alone because as you see here in the forum, there are lots of people who are going through a similar situation, but at the same time, the pain feels really our own, because it is our family... I guess we can relate each other more because of similar feelings, not so much because of equal experiences. And you may find other people with different experences that can offer some comfort. For instance, even if a friend of yours never had a family member with cancer, the friend might have felt some kind of loneliness, like us.

    I hope reading these testimonials help you some way... I also go to a counsellor which helps...

    Take care*

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