Hi can your dad still roll about on the bed if he doesn't he could get bed sures (I think it's spelt wrong) witch can make it a lot more trouble.

Billy 

Hi ya ...

I'm pretty sure if you or mum could gently massage his feet before sleep , it really might calm him ... even when you do his neck ... because deep heat, could be keeping him awake ... and it's really hot too .. try the lavender foot massage , l think you'll be surprised ...

When my daughter in law had a misscarage and was in hospital, l Sat at the end of her bed and masarged her feet, she felt really calm ... when the nurse came in she couldn't believe her mother in law was giving her a foot massage ... we all laughed ... but it was lovely to see her stop crying and relax ...

Lavinda really is a wonderful herb, it does so much  ... my nan, years ago always used her lavinda oil... and smelled of lavinda ... l just thought she slept all the time ... now I know why ...

Sending you a vertual hug  ... your doing amazing ... but don't forget you too ... try and do something for you .... always here hunny ...  Chrissie

Hope you don't mind me asking how is your dad doing I've been thinking about him but didn't want to stick my nose in to much I noticed he is getting plenty of massage and smelleys. Is he in a private room. Hope your all keeping well. Best wishes. 

Billy 

Hi ya ... just getting the feeling things a getting really tough right now ... my thoughts are with you .. I'm right here ... big vertual hug. .. Chrissie

Hey, 

I'm sorry for the delay in replying. Thank you for thinking of me. It has been a really difficult time, but everything is sort of ok today now. My mum hasn't been coping very well, she had a few days breakdown and then started another breakdown two days ago. Because I'd sorted out the last breakdown I knew what to do this time so it only lasted a day or so which is good. Dad caused a fire and so they both ended up getting burns and calling the paramedics, it was just as I was doing the school run, if it had been half an hour later it wouldn't have happened because I'd have been there, but  it did. They were both really shaken up but seem ok now. (This was Monday). He's just really dithery now. He's gone from normal to this in three months. The paramedics contacted the hospice and arranged a care plan to help us, the hospice was meant to send someone out the following day and call but we didn't hear anything which is really annoying. I really thought we were going to actually have a care package. My parents agreed to it so I'm really disappointed that it didn't happen. My dad even admitted to the paramedics that mum couldn't cope too and they spent ages on the phone to the hospice arranging the call and visit for the following day. It just seemed a waste of 999 resources when the work they did came to nothing after they left. 

But I've put together our own little plan and a new more effective meds chart for mum to follow. I've changed around the way he takes his medication now to try to stop his anxiety etc....and it's working really well. 

Some really amazing news though which has cheered my parents up no end this week is that my daughter started university and just completed her first week-she's now officially a student nurse!! My dad has told the two of them (my boy is 2nd year law) that the most important thing is that they complete their education and that nothing that's going on with him must affect that so they're both working really hard now after the initial shock and horrible first few weeks so that's really good news in all of this. 

Most of my problems are because my mums mental health, dad would be easy to look after but because of her problems she complicates everything. She's really impossible. My dad bless him he tells her to ring me and he'll make her dial my number and give him the phone! He says why can't Tracy come and look after me if I'm not there. At least I know he thinks I'm doing ok! 

How is everyone here? I was up at 4 just when I could have a lay in too-typical!! 

Xxxxxxx

Hi sounds like you have your hands full, good to hear about your daughter doing nursing. Was your dad smoking!? If he was, my grandfather did the same thing when he was in the nurses kept searching him but couldn't find any thing but every time they came in he was smoking again. Make sure that you look after yourself as well as your mum and dad good luck with health people. Best wishes.

Billy 

Hi Tracey I have been following your story since February when i was told my dad was end of life. Your struggles really resonated with me and i wanted to reply to offer support to let you know that i totally understood the pain you and your family were going through but as we were caring for my dad at home by that point i never seemed to get the time. My dad had had renal cancer for 3.5 years and in feb he contracted sepsis and we were told that the cancer had spread to his stomach and that there was no more they could do. My dad didnt know he was dying he was too frightened and so wanted to live and fight on. He kept asking us for reassurance that when he got a bit better they would start him on a new drug to keep the cancer at bay and we didnt have the heart to tell him otherwise and he was calmed when we told him he would get better. It was so awful and i still question now whether we did the right thing. We couldn't get any marie curie or hospice staff in to help as we knew it would frighten him so we cared for him ourselves. He couldnt do anything for himself and it almost broke me the exhaustion lack of sleep and pain at seeing him go downhill. I dont think he was in huge pain although he was frightened to tell us sometimes i think as he didnt want to go back to hospital. But he had terrible restlessness for four days before he died. He was totally lucid right until the end. We lost him on march 15. The nurse came and saw how restless he was and his breathing was laboured and gave him a shot of morphine. She told us she thought he probably only had hours left but within an hour he slipped away. I think his body was so weak he hadnt eaten properly or slept well for weeks it only took a gentle push. It was peaceful with us stroking his hair and telling him how much we loved him. His funeral was on Thursday. I am numb, desperately sad and cannot believe I'll never see him again. 

Im sorry for the story Tracey i just felt i needed to connect with you as ive often logged in here over the last 7 weeks and specifically clicked on your name to see how you and your dad are doing. You are doing a fantastic job looking after dad and your mum of course - they are so lucky to have someone like you. The only thing that soothes me is knowing that my dad knew i was there for him around the clock in those last weeks and that he died at home where he would have wanted to be. My heart truely goes out to you as i do know what you are going through and how hard it is to watch. I just hope that you do get the help and support you need - for us it wasnt an option. 

Much love Victoria x

Hi ya ..

How wonderful to see the people that are following your families journey through this time ... but how sad the people like the hospice that could make such s difference are really letting you down ...

Keeping your mum's head above water must be draining on your emotions ... and I don't know where your finding your strength..  my niece is so like you, with her mum, my sister with dementure ... the angrier she gets , the more my niece just deals with it ... she just says she's paying back years of her mum looking after her.... 

I know your giving so many people the courage to cope with their problems / journey .... the one shining light for you, is your dad knows how much you care ... so if only I had that magic wand, I'd use it for you and my niece ... cancer and dementure both suck big time ... 

Sending you a big big hug ... Chrissie

Hi [@Billygoat]‍ 

Yes, unfortunately he was smoking. He gave up but now has a sneaky one now and then. He is usually so careful but completely forgot he had his oxygen on as he'd just woken up. My mum actually gave him the cigarette then went out the kitchen. (She didn't tell me this, I found out yesterday she told my son) she told me she had only turned her back for a second and that was it. 

I didn't write the extent of what happened earlier because I didn't want to upset anyone but since you asked.....

If anyone is reading this post ....... Please do not try this at home! When they say do not smoke near oxygen please believe them. It goes up like a flame thrower. It was horrific. My dad went up in flames, the oxygen cable was on fire, the sofa, cushions, rug. My mums arm caught fire and burnt through her jumper. The cushions kept catching light everytime she put them out. Dad burnt his face, nose, inside his nostrils and the back of his throat. Mum has burned her arms and fingers. 

I can't stress how terrifying and horrific it was and this could have been far worse. Much much worse. The paramedics said it's a very common occurrence and in my daughters first week of uni she has already had a fire and safety briefing on this very subject so if it does happen to anyone reading this please don't feel stupid it can happen to anyone but please be aware that this is truly awful and genuinely best avoided at all costs. Xxxxxxx

Hi ya ...

Now this is just a thought but in light of what happened : ((  if I were you I'd take everything to do with smoking away ... and tell him, he can have one but only when there's someone there with him ... l think that could have been worse ... and hopefully others will read this and it just may stop someone else having to go through that ... just when you think it can't get much worse ...

Thinking of you ...  Chrissie x