Hi,

I am new to this site. My mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer November 2017. After emergency surgery and chemotherapy we found out that the cancer has spread to the liver in May 2018. She was offered new aggressive chemo to prolong life but no cure. She decides not to go with this assets struggled with her first chemo. From this we expected we had about 6 months. 

We are now 8 months on and she’s deteriorating quickly it seems. There are so many things that I’m struggling with at the moment.

My mum and I have always had a complicated relationship, she is quite an angry person and her anger is becoming even more powerful, which I can understand but it’s so hard to take some times.

I am also an only child who lives nearly 2 hours away. I’m at my mum and dads every weekend trying to help as best I can while also managing work, kids (1 of which has type 1 diabetes) and just general life pressures. I feel so guilty I’m not there enough.

And then there is how my mum is managing acceptance e of help and support from professionals. She’s clearly in a lot of pain now but is refusing all pain relief offered. She’s being offered lots of support from carers but will not accept. She’s is on the verge of being bed bound (we moved the bed downstairs a few weeks ago). Some days she is but other days she can very slowly get to the living room and seems to have a bit more energy. This is difficult too as on the days she’s bed bound, she can hardly speak so I start to prepare that this is it, and then she’s stronger for a few days projecting such rage at me and my dad. Then she can be vulnerable for moments sharing her sadness and fear.

I’m sure this is experienced by many in my position but I am really struggling. I’m exhausted and feel helpless and alone. Would be great to connect with other people in similar positions.