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How do I do this?

Mmmp
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So my amazing husband of 1 month has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer , we have the most amazing relationship and after 50 years I’ve found my soulmate. Laughter and love is our life but this evil illness will take this from us. How do I support him through with all this intact so that our last months of memory making aren’t tainted with tears and pity. He deserves the best from me until the very end when he can’t see my tears but do I have the strength to do this? I can see no future after he has rolled over in his sleep for the final time .....a cry of sheer helplessness from a selfish wife

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    Hi,

    What a heartbreaking way to start married life. I am so very sorry to hear your husband's diagnosis. Sadly, it is you who needs to be the strong and positive one in your relationship and, your husband will follow on in the same vein for as long as he is able.

    You do your utmost to continue making memories that will stay in your heart forever. By all means shed those tears, but try to do it privately. Crying is actually a good stress reliever so don't worry too much about them. How has your husband reacted to his diagnosis?

    Be there for him, talk to him and make sure that you don't leave anything unsaid. Tell him how much you love him, look after his needs, ensure that his pain is being controlled, read to him, play music.

    I have not yet lost my husband, so can only imagine how hard this all is for you. I have lost both of my parents,several close relatives and friends to cancer and have had 2 bouts myself in the past 9 years.

    You have a hard road ahead of you and I don't envy you your journey. It can get even more heartrending as you get closer to the end of life.

    They say that we don't get any more thrust upon us than we can cope with in life, but I sometimes wonder. I hope that you have some supportive family members and friends. Take any offer of help given.

    I am thinking of and praying for you both and am sure that you will find the strength to see this through.

    Please keep us updated. Remember that we are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hey there. . First I want to say that if loving your husband deeply and not wanting to lose him and to want him to be here forever with you is selfish then welcome to the selfish club. . There is no shame in not being able to process a future without him and going to the end of the garden and screaming to the heavens. . To keep the level of pain and tears inside of you I honestly sometimes think may kill you too. . And sporadically you may even want it to,  except it can't.  Because none of us are taught how to let go of our most precious loved ones. We just pray for them to not suffer and in doing so we release them and pay the price of what love costs sometimes. . I wish there was a potion to kick our brain into instant acceptance and numbs us in the process but there isn't. When its time some divintive reasoning enters and their life becomes more important than ours and so it goes. . You can do this brave heart. . You found each other in the end and that's a joy that cancer cannot claim. You'll be there through some good days and bad days cancer can't claim every day don't let it. . And you were meant to meet in this life, however short a time because you'll know who your looking for in the next.  None of this is practical advice except for be brave. . And visit here .. You are not alone. . God bless both of you. . Truly xx

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