My Dad

Where to start, I'm new to this but not new to Cancer. 16 years ago my dad got throat cancer and had a Tracioscopy done with parts of his tongue and limph nodes removed, that alone was awful but he pulled through, he hasn't been I'd say the same since then with having to talk using a finger on his Stoma and constantly getting clogged up after eating or drinking but at least he's here and he fought it off.

Then in September this year on my birthday 18th he was told they were going to refer him to the hospital after he'd been complaining about his shoulder hurting (which he'd mentioned many times) when the docter was looking at his shoulder that's when he noticed a lump on his lymph node. So up to hospital he went something like 2 weeks later to have biopsies, he also had x rays  and ct scans and ultrasound  then 2 weeks later we got the news that Cancer was back and that it was a different kind of cancer, they wanted to do further tests as by now my dad was saying he could feel a lump when he swallowed, so he went this time for more biopsies and we were  told that the lump in his throat was also cancer , he was being referred to the cancer hospital and they'd be in touch, we received a call to say he'd need a Pet CT scan which he went for along with further biopsies on his thyroid. We were called in for a meeting this last Wednesday 9th where the docter told us that the cancer had spread down into his throat and further and that there's nothing they can do for it, they offered palliative chemotherapy to reduce the cancer size and slow it down , which my dad has signed up for and starts this Tuesday.

We're living a horrific nightmare, I know everyone says it but my dad truly is the nicest guy, would do anything for anyone , life is just so cruel, facing loosing my dad with perhaps months to live a year at very best is ripping my insides out, he doesn't want pitty and I can see he's scared...I literally feel like my insides are screaming as I cant help him/ make him better, there's nothing, I love him so very much and al be with him every step of the way as will my sister and my mum who's still his wife but separated but best of friends.

Fear of what's to come is just terrifying. I have bouts of feeling alright then total breakdowns, there no light at the end of this tunnel just crap.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? Nothing that might make me worse please just has anyone been through this and come out the other side ?

Many thanks 

  • Hi Leebee, 

    I'm really sorry for what you are going through, I'd just like to let you know you are not alone. Sometimes you feel so alone in all you are going through.My Dad has an advance cancer we only found out a few weeks ago so I understand all of your feelings, pain, anger, helplessness. Like lots of people on here we understand.

    My Dad sounds similar to yours, just really the nicest guy who would do anything for anyone, life feels so cruel and hurtful at times you can't make sense of it.  You can't help think ..why my Dad he's got so much going for him. I too see my Dad scared and it hurts very much. 

    There's so much that doesn't make sense and life doesn't feel the same anymore and it does feel like a constant living nightmare, what happened to my old carefree and happy life? 

    You sound like you're doing all you can for him, you feel so helpless but just being there for him, sharing laughter when you can, being by his side is all you can do.  Your Dad must feel so proud and lucky to have you and your family by him every step of the way. 

    Sending love, strength and support from someone in a similar position. 

    Rosie x

  • Thanks Rosie for your very kind words, bless you whilst you're also going through so much too.

    I can't stop crying , it's like I want to stop my brain thinking. I honestly thought they'd just be able to fix him again, to hear they can't is just such a shock. I never  thought we'd have to face this and all the time I feel this horrible hole I'm in,  I keep thinking  what must my dad's thoughts be like he's the one going through it. But bless him he just doesn't want to upset us, but I don't want him worrying about us, it's just truly horrible as you know xx 

    Your dad must be extremely proud of you also, it's a comfort to know I'm not alone, I have plenty of people round me but nobody in this position.

    Please keep in touch  

    Leeanne x

  • You sound so grown up Leeanne, you really do trying to handle your situation at 18. I'm 29 and it's turned my life upside down.

     I think it going to take alot of time to come to terms with everything. It's very very hard to except it. I feel like my crying and brain has settled down just a little now 6 weeks later. 

    Me too lots of people around me but no one in the same position. 

    Please send me a message any time, it definatly helps me to talk to others. 

    Rosie xx

  • Sorry Rosie I ment on my birthday the 18th of September xx, I'm 36 lol, first time my dad got cancer I was 16. They call me the strong one of the family my sister is 10 years older than me and really struggling, age is nothing I truly believe I could be 52 and still find it hard.

    I'm spending every bit of time with him I can, even to the point I took my ironing round to his tonight to do, he thought I was joking until I rocked up with it. I'm determined no matter how hard it's gonna get al be right by his side and al have these memories along with many more to look back on.

    Stay strong Rosie you sound like a true star, we'll keep each other going no matter how hard times are.

    Leeanne

    XXXXX

  • Aha I see! I thought you sounded mature!! Yep everything else can do one at the moment,I have little time left with him. I can always get another job but I can't get another Dad so I'm also spending every bit of time with him. I will be by his side every step. 

    You are right age doesn't really matter I think it's very hard no matter how young or old you are, they are still and always will be our superhero Dads. 

    We will indeed. 

    xXx

  • Hi, I’m Jo, I am also 18 years old and my dad is also living with myeloma cancer. 

    Im so sorry to hear what you’re going through and if you need any support or someone to talk to let me know:-) I  can relate to your struggle and feel the same way, the world is so cruel to destroy people and their families with this. I think one of the best things to do is to be there, for support and love, even if you can’t physically be there all the time, I imagine it’s comforting to know you’re not alone.